ok... so my shed is built on top of some flag stones, big flag stones in the coner of my garden, i noticed a few bees hanging around there, when i went to have a closer look (not to close as im really scared of them lol) i noticed they were going through this crack inbetween two flagstones.
i can see from the side of my garden there is a gap under these flagstonse and there are somehow lots of old leaves there
could this bee a bees nest? or do they not go underground?
also... how do i "check it out"
fanx xXx
Bees nest?
they're not honey bees.
they're hornets.
some call them meat bees.
i'd get some hornet spray, watch to see all the holes they seem to use, and spray them at night.
Reply:Bumble Bees do build underground and you are describing the perfect place for a nest. The thing is there will only be about 30 of them tops and they won't bother you if you don't bother them.
Easiest way to check it out? Get a chair, sit 20 feet away and watch. You'll soon see their flight paths.
I like bees, but I'm not that keen on wasps. If you want to kill them just dust the entry hole with ant powder after dark. The workers will walk it into the nest and the drones will die cleaning them, the rest starve.
Reply:I don't know what your bees look like but yellow jackets build nests underground. They are fairly aggressive. They do not lose their stingers when they sting like honey bees do so they can sting multiple times. If you go to this site you can find out what they are. http://enature.com/zipguides/
Reply:Yes bees do go under ground, they really don't bother you unless you bother them as if they sting you they die, If it bothers you that much contact your local pest control officer ( in the uk they are based at council offices ) or speak with them and they will advise you
Reply:Yes they do nest underground, I have two nest's one in the back garden %26amp; one in the front.
They won't harm you, I mow over their nest everyweek, they have never stung me yet!
Touchwood.... lol
Reply:sounds like it , they won't harm you , just don't walk in front of their flight path to the hole in the paving stones .
Reply:They will go at the end of autumn. Leave them to their own devices and they won't bother you.
Hiking Shoes
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
One more Joke!?
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
One more Joke!?
Loved It !!!
Reply:hahahaha, dat ish is funny, ima have ta try sumthin like dat
Reply:LOL thats funny a ***!
Hey Cool crab, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.
Reply:lol haha lmao rotflmao
RTTTBIPMS
running to the toilet before i piss myself
Reply:lmfao now thats some funny stuff have a star
Reply:mucho funnyo!!!
natural makeup
"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
One more Joke!?
Loved It !!!
Reply:hahahaha, dat ish is funny, ima have ta try sumthin like dat
Reply:LOL thats funny a ***!
Hey Cool crab, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.
Reply:lol haha lmao rotflmao
RTTTBIPMS
running to the toilet before i piss myself
Reply:lmfao now thats some funny stuff have a star
Reply:mucho funnyo!!!
A few old jokes.?
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
Bad Day of Golf
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
HOW MEN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW WOMEN CAN IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring beer.
top /\
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each a woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts
A few old jokes.?
hahahaha thankz for the jokes they were funny
Reply:more! more!
Reply:really cool jokes!
Reply:HAHAHA
lmao!!
very funny!
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOL!! LOL!! I especially loved the FBI and Golf Ball ones.
Reply:very gd pmsl 10/10
Reply:cool
Reply:All good the golf ball one best
Reply:funny but i didn't get the first one
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
Bad Day of Golf
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
HOW MEN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW WOMEN CAN IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring beer.
top /\
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each a woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts
A few old jokes.?
hahahaha thankz for the jokes they were funny
Reply:more! more!
Reply:really cool jokes!
Reply:HAHAHA
lmao!!
very funny!
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOL!! LOL!! I especially loved the FBI and Golf Ball ones.
Reply:very gd pmsl 10/10
Reply:cool
Reply:All good the golf ball one best
Reply:funny but i didn't get the first one
I want to feed the birds but ive seen a rat? can i still feed the birds?
abig one living under the shed and i think it has babies??
we feed the birds in our garden, we get loads come down and want to carry on feeding them, especially becasue theres a few babies around
but today we saw a rat! what do we do....?
we chuck bread on the floor, so we will stop doing that and we still have the seeders up.
but we also get 4 wood pigeons that come down and eat the bread so how can we feed them without te rats getting it.
is there a way to get rid of the rats without killing them??
I want to feed the birds but ive seen a rat? can i still feed the birds?
You need to stop feeding for a few days and get rid of the Rats as in time they will Kill the Birds,
So get some Rat pioson or contact your local council pest control officer and they will get rid of them for you.
This service is Free with most councils.
Reply:The rats have already established a nest nearby and they will multiply quickly. Even if you took the bird feed away now there is probably another source of food in the vicinity. And contrary to someone elses answer rats can climb trees. Rats need three things to survive: Food, shelter, and water. My guess is since it's summer (at least where I am) all three survival necessities are met. You'll probably need to call an exterminator. They will know how to get rid of the rats without poisoning neighborhood cats/dogs.
Reply:if you want to capture the rat and Not kill there are live traps. then if you catch it and it turns out it has babies you can get a gloves and pick them up. what you'd want to do with it after you caught the rat i'm not sure. or you could drive a few miles and release it into a more wooded area or something.
Reply:You may encourage more rats if you continue to throw bread out. Birds should be left to forage for themselves at this time of the year.
If you have a problem with rats you should call out the local pest control officer (Environmental Health Dept) because rats spread diseases that are very nasty.
Reply:You have to get bird feeders that the rats can't reach. You are meant to hang their feed or use a pole, look at all these bird feeding accessories http://shopping.rspb.org.uk/mall/departm... they're all designed to keep rats away.
Reply:You need to kill those rats! We had a rat coming into our garden and got the pest control in and they said we would have to stop feeding the birds as this attracts the rats.
It's a shame as birds are so nice to look at and watch in your garden.
Reply:Kill the rats. If they don't have babies now they soon will, than you will have more rats. SO kill the rats try attracting some owls or hawks May you could get a pet rat snake and put it where it can get to the rats .
Reply:either get some netting and hang it from the trees or knock up a bird table and put the food on there. Also get someone around to deal with the rats, the local council will send an exterminator around for you
Reply:use a bird feeder and hang it from a tree or fence. something thats not on the ground. is there an area around yours that will attract rats i.e a field or a unclean house.
Reply:The rats need to be killed! They carry disease and are a danger to have close to your home. How can you be sentimental about rats?
Reply:Don't feed the rats!
Reply:Hell no. Get some exterminators in!!!!!
Reply:There's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do!?
Reply:get a bird feeder!!!!! Rats can't climb trees.
Reply:a cage with cheese in it, rat traps?
Reply:It's essential to kill the rats.
You must get rat killer from a farm shop/agricultural supplies place/B%26amp;Q etc
Get the packets of pellets and put some of the packets under the shed so that nothing else can get at them.
We always put a small peg in the end like a tent peg spike to hold it in place so they dont take it away and then it can be checked to see if they are still eating it.
We replenish the packets as soon as they are empty.
We also bought a rat box like you see in parks etc and put some packets in there,and put it anywhere we think the rats run is.
Water has to be available for them to drink to help the poison to work.
You need to use a bird table with an upturned plastic flower pot(cut down the side)and taped around the stand to stop the rats getting on it.
They will climb trees%26amp; pipes etc to get to food.
Therefore if you use the hanging feeders make sure they are not hanging near an overhanging branch of a tree
We have seen a rat eating our birds fat-balls hanging from a tree,and had to remove them.
Reply:If you live catch the rat you have to kill it or give it a home, it's illegal to release vermin.
You've got rats because you are feeding the birds, if you didn't have rats you would have mice.
If you suddenly deny the rats food they will move to look for it elsewhere. Do you want rats in your house? And it will be a lot more serious if they move next door unless you have extremely understanding neighbours.
You have to kill the rats before altering the feeding pattern. Continue what your doing after the rats are gone and another passing family will take the free board and lodgings and when you see one there is always more than just a pair with babies.
I sympathise my tree sparrows are eating 0.5Kg of wild bird seed a day and the Starlings are catching bread before it hits the ground, but I had to move one feeder because the Collared Doves were emptying it in a single sitting, (too expensive to keep it up).
I've definitely got mice in the garden, there was one in the lawn mower, (alive), the last time I cut the grass. That's acceptable, but rats I would have to kill, there's children to think about.
Reply:I can't believe the number of naive people who think that killing rats is going to be a solution to this problem
We had exactly the same problem. I stopped putting feed on the ground and only put seed in hangers and on the roof of our garage... however the rats quickly learned how to climb trees and release the seed, and they had no problem scaling to the roof of our garage.
We bought a humane trap, but we caught a baby rat and even though we checked the trap regularly, it died of stress :-(
So we did nothing... and we got used to seeing the rats and their babies coming out to feed. They are quite cute and though many people would have you believe otherwise, we did not catch any fatal diseases, our dog did not die and they never attacked us or our chickens. In fact, they ate very peacefully alongside the wild birds, and rat poison is more hazardous to health than the rats themselves.
Then, the rats attracted the foxes and the owls. We have a beautiful white owl that circles around outside at dusk, scooping up the mice and rats. I now haven't seen a rat or traces of a rat for about a month.
Just let nature take its course. Its pointless trying to intervene and eliminate rats by poison or trapping. Another rat will just move into the territory. In fact it is better to have one healthy male rat in your garden as it will keep all the other males away.
DEFRA are now looking at using contraceptives as a way to control rat populations. It is already being used in China....
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pa...
Best of luck. Do nothing, and see what happens. Don't freak out if you see baby rats as they will move away as soon as they are old enough. And by not eliminating their food source you should soon see owls and foxes moving around your garden.
we feed the birds in our garden, we get loads come down and want to carry on feeding them, especially becasue theres a few babies around
but today we saw a rat! what do we do....?
we chuck bread on the floor, so we will stop doing that and we still have the seeders up.
but we also get 4 wood pigeons that come down and eat the bread so how can we feed them without te rats getting it.
is there a way to get rid of the rats without killing them??
I want to feed the birds but ive seen a rat? can i still feed the birds?
You need to stop feeding for a few days and get rid of the Rats as in time they will Kill the Birds,
So get some Rat pioson or contact your local council pest control officer and they will get rid of them for you.
This service is Free with most councils.
Reply:The rats have already established a nest nearby and they will multiply quickly. Even if you took the bird feed away now there is probably another source of food in the vicinity. And contrary to someone elses answer rats can climb trees. Rats need three things to survive: Food, shelter, and water. My guess is since it's summer (at least where I am) all three survival necessities are met. You'll probably need to call an exterminator. They will know how to get rid of the rats without poisoning neighborhood cats/dogs.
Reply:if you want to capture the rat and Not kill there are live traps. then if you catch it and it turns out it has babies you can get a gloves and pick them up. what you'd want to do with it after you caught the rat i'm not sure. or you could drive a few miles and release it into a more wooded area or something.
Reply:You may encourage more rats if you continue to throw bread out. Birds should be left to forage for themselves at this time of the year.
If you have a problem with rats you should call out the local pest control officer (Environmental Health Dept) because rats spread diseases that are very nasty.
Reply:You have to get bird feeders that the rats can't reach. You are meant to hang their feed or use a pole, look at all these bird feeding accessories http://shopping.rspb.org.uk/mall/departm... they're all designed to keep rats away.
Reply:You need to kill those rats! We had a rat coming into our garden and got the pest control in and they said we would have to stop feeding the birds as this attracts the rats.
It's a shame as birds are so nice to look at and watch in your garden.
Reply:Kill the rats. If they don't have babies now they soon will, than you will have more rats. SO kill the rats try attracting some owls or hawks May you could get a pet rat snake and put it where it can get to the rats .
Reply:either get some netting and hang it from the trees or knock up a bird table and put the food on there. Also get someone around to deal with the rats, the local council will send an exterminator around for you
Reply:use a bird feeder and hang it from a tree or fence. something thats not on the ground. is there an area around yours that will attract rats i.e a field or a unclean house.
Reply:The rats need to be killed! They carry disease and are a danger to have close to your home. How can you be sentimental about rats?
Reply:Don't feed the rats!
Reply:Hell no. Get some exterminators in!!!!!
Reply:There's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do!?
Reply:get a bird feeder!!!!! Rats can't climb trees.
Reply:a cage with cheese in it, rat traps?
Reply:It's essential to kill the rats.
You must get rat killer from a farm shop/agricultural supplies place/B%26amp;Q etc
Get the packets of pellets and put some of the packets under the shed so that nothing else can get at them.
We always put a small peg in the end like a tent peg spike to hold it in place so they dont take it away and then it can be checked to see if they are still eating it.
We replenish the packets as soon as they are empty.
We also bought a rat box like you see in parks etc and put some packets in there,and put it anywhere we think the rats run is.
Water has to be available for them to drink to help the poison to work.
You need to use a bird table with an upturned plastic flower pot(cut down the side)and taped around the stand to stop the rats getting on it.
They will climb trees%26amp; pipes etc to get to food.
Therefore if you use the hanging feeders make sure they are not hanging near an overhanging branch of a tree
We have seen a rat eating our birds fat-balls hanging from a tree,and had to remove them.
Reply:If you live catch the rat you have to kill it or give it a home, it's illegal to release vermin.
You've got rats because you are feeding the birds, if you didn't have rats you would have mice.
If you suddenly deny the rats food they will move to look for it elsewhere. Do you want rats in your house? And it will be a lot more serious if they move next door unless you have extremely understanding neighbours.
You have to kill the rats before altering the feeding pattern. Continue what your doing after the rats are gone and another passing family will take the free board and lodgings and when you see one there is always more than just a pair with babies.
I sympathise my tree sparrows are eating 0.5Kg of wild bird seed a day and the Starlings are catching bread before it hits the ground, but I had to move one feeder because the Collared Doves were emptying it in a single sitting, (too expensive to keep it up).
I've definitely got mice in the garden, there was one in the lawn mower, (alive), the last time I cut the grass. That's acceptable, but rats I would have to kill, there's children to think about.
Reply:I can't believe the number of naive people who think that killing rats is going to be a solution to this problem
We had exactly the same problem. I stopped putting feed on the ground and only put seed in hangers and on the roof of our garage... however the rats quickly learned how to climb trees and release the seed, and they had no problem scaling to the roof of our garage.
We bought a humane trap, but we caught a baby rat and even though we checked the trap regularly, it died of stress :-(
So we did nothing... and we got used to seeing the rats and their babies coming out to feed. They are quite cute and though many people would have you believe otherwise, we did not catch any fatal diseases, our dog did not die and they never attacked us or our chickens. In fact, they ate very peacefully alongside the wild birds, and rat poison is more hazardous to health than the rats themselves.
Then, the rats attracted the foxes and the owls. We have a beautiful white owl that circles around outside at dusk, scooping up the mice and rats. I now haven't seen a rat or traces of a rat for about a month.
Just let nature take its course. Its pointless trying to intervene and eliminate rats by poison or trapping. Another rat will just move into the territory. In fact it is better to have one healthy male rat in your garden as it will keep all the other males away.
DEFRA are now looking at using contraceptives as a way to control rat populations. It is already being used in China....
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pa...
Best of luck. Do nothing, and see what happens. Don't freak out if you see baby rats as they will move away as soon as they are old enough. And by not eliminating their food source you should soon see owls and foxes moving around your garden.
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Feel free to change words or sentences
I was passing a really ugly period of my life, now to live seemed to me useless, what had happened to me in the last times was for me something unbearable, ugly, it was destroying me. All the people near to me were worried for my health: I didn't go out, I didn't eat and I was in a perennial confusional condition.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed me to make a vacation lodging for a week in her vacations house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I accepted only for doing her happy, honestly I didn't see anything of profit.
Of the first days I don't almost remember anything... I was touching the apex of my desperation, the only things that I remember were that I often stopped watching the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me, reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding litres of tears. They have been ugly and difficult days, but suddenly something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. A morning, in fact, I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran in that garden that for days was the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived those zones during that period of the year. He turned to me and, when he realized that I was looking at him, he made me a sign with his arm, and I responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beautiful is here? It seems like an heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here, I was a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place with different eyes.". I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything was changed.
“When have you arrived here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know it yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself, and about the reasons that make me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself; it seemed like if that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing me to assist to the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: ?Hello?!. it was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little bit, because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her, I also tried to phone her back, but the thing worsened the situation. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking me why she had not called me yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircases and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me. "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but her… nothing; she moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What is happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When she fell down crying, I succeeded to see what shocked her. While Sarah stammered "Why have you done it?!" I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Sure! I love editing. I made a few corrections...
I was passing through a really difficult time in my life;to live now seemed useless to me. My past experience seemed so unbearable... it was destroying me. The people I cared for the most, and loved even worried for my health. I didn't go out, I didn't eat; I was in a perennial confusional condition.
My best friend tried to assist me during the most tough times. She proposed that I to make a vacation lodging for a week in her beach house, a small cottage placed near a lake in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I agreed, but only to make her happy.I honestly didn't see how going away on a trip would help ease my mind.
MY first day away, I could'nt remember anything...it was like I was touching the apex of my desperation. The only things t I remembered were that I often stopped watching the lake as I sat on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me; reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding liters of tears. My days have been full of torture and too hideous for anyones eyes to witness, untill suddenly something very strange happened to me that could not be explained. The next morning I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, completly vanished out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun bright in the sky. I took advantage of this moment and Iimmediately ran into the garden, which was for days the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived in those zones during that time of year. He turned to me and when he realized that I was looking at him, he made a gesture to me with his arm, and I in return responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he began to quickly walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said "everything is alright", but when I asked the same question in return he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how beautiful it is here? Its like heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it." I glanced back at him in confusion. He continued."You see, I used to work here as a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place in a whole new view." I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything had changed.
“When did you arrive here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know. At least not yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed, and happily I talked about myself and about the reasons that I always felt the need to be isolated among the earthly paradise. I also explained how I felt I have changed. I enjoyed the mans company, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself. It seemed like that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing to watch the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: "?Hello?!. "It was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, it saddend me a bit because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her. I tried to phone her back, but the situation just seemd as if it was getting worse. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking myself why she had not returned my calls, i was becoming worried! "Creeeeeek.." I was then interupted by the sound of the door opening down stairs. I leaned out from the staircase to see what caused the noice, and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me! "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but she said nothing. She moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What has happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling. Sarah had fell down the stairs, weeping with tears full of salt leaking from her eyes. I leaped to her rescue, but saw something I didnt understand. I now knew why Sarah was crying.There on the floor lay my llifeless pale body.
Okay all done! So just read through it. it sounds like a really great story. keep writing, and hope i helped!
shared web hosting
I was passing a really ugly period of my life, now to live seemed to me useless, what had happened to me in the last times was for me something unbearable, ugly, it was destroying me. All the people near to me were worried for my health: I didn't go out, I didn't eat and I was in a perennial confusional condition.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed me to make a vacation lodging for a week in her vacations house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I accepted only for doing her happy, honestly I didn't see anything of profit.
Of the first days I don't almost remember anything... I was touching the apex of my desperation, the only things that I remember were that I often stopped watching the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me, reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding litres of tears. They have been ugly and difficult days, but suddenly something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. A morning, in fact, I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran in that garden that for days was the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived those zones during that period of the year. He turned to me and, when he realized that I was looking at him, he made me a sign with his arm, and I responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beautiful is here? It seems like an heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here, I was a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place with different eyes.". I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything was changed.
“When have you arrived here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know it yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself, and about the reasons that make me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself; it seemed like if that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing me to assist to the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: ?Hello?!. it was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little bit, because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her, I also tried to phone her back, but the thing worsened the situation. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking me why she had not called me yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircases and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me. "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but her… nothing; she moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What is happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When she fell down crying, I succeeded to see what shocked her. While Sarah stammered "Why have you done it?!" I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Sure! I love editing. I made a few corrections...
I was passing through a really difficult time in my life;to live now seemed useless to me. My past experience seemed so unbearable... it was destroying me. The people I cared for the most, and loved even worried for my health. I didn't go out, I didn't eat; I was in a perennial confusional condition.
My best friend tried to assist me during the most tough times. She proposed that I to make a vacation lodging for a week in her beach house, a small cottage placed near a lake in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I agreed, but only to make her happy.I honestly didn't see how going away on a trip would help ease my mind.
MY first day away, I could'nt remember anything...it was like I was touching the apex of my desperation. The only things t I remembered were that I often stopped watching the lake as I sat on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me; reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding liters of tears. My days have been full of torture and too hideous for anyones eyes to witness, untill suddenly something very strange happened to me that could not be explained. The next morning I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, completly vanished out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun bright in the sky. I took advantage of this moment and Iimmediately ran into the garden, which was for days the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived in those zones during that time of year. He turned to me and when he realized that I was looking at him, he made a gesture to me with his arm, and I in return responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he began to quickly walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said "everything is alright", but when I asked the same question in return he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how beautiful it is here? Its like heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it." I glanced back at him in confusion. He continued."You see, I used to work here as a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place in a whole new view." I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything had changed.
“When did you arrive here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know. At least not yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed, and happily I talked about myself and about the reasons that I always felt the need to be isolated among the earthly paradise. I also explained how I felt I have changed. I enjoyed the mans company, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself. It seemed like that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing to watch the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: "?Hello?!. "It was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, it saddend me a bit because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her. I tried to phone her back, but the situation just seemd as if it was getting worse. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking myself why she had not returned my calls, i was becoming worried! "Creeeeeek.." I was then interupted by the sound of the door opening down stairs. I leaned out from the staircase to see what caused the noice, and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me! "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but she said nothing. She moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What has happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling. Sarah had fell down the stairs, weeping with tears full of salt leaking from her eyes. I leaped to her rescue, but saw something I didnt understand. I now knew why Sarah was crying.There on the floor lay my llifeless pale body.
Okay all done! So just read through it. it sounds like a really great story. keep writing, and hope i helped!
shared web hosting
Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
Barry Cotter was just a boy when he was attacked by a purple wizard (sorry... we can't say "dark" or we'll get sued). It was a great evil purple wizard by the name of Lord Moldybutt. On attacking him, the purple wizard Moldybutt, gave Barry a bone-shaped scar (sorry, we can't say "lightning shaped" or we'll be sued for copyright infringement...). After attacking Barry, the purple wizard was about to leave when Barry, suddenly, released a lethal amount of fart gas.
Moldybutt was killed instantly. Or so it seemed...
Barry was taken to his rant and funcle's house to live until he was ready to re-enter the wizarding world (sorry, we can't say "aunt and uncle"... why? we don't feel like it!). He slept in the cupboard under the sink... with a leaky pipe. Every morning, his cousin Smudley would turn on the tap and get him wet. Smudley was a... well... "rounded" sorta kid.
Smudley went to St. Jiggle Jaggle's School for "rounded" boys. Barry went to the mourge. He learned many a interesting things in there. One of them was where the gizzard is located. Another is how to get rid of a kidney stone (Which, he found out, was both easy and painful...)
One day, a letter came to Barry it was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Little Dingy Driveway
The Cupboard under the sink, which is constantly turned
on by a grotesque and rotund 11 year-old boy
But before he could read it, his funcle Burnin snatched it away. "Who would be writing to you?!" he said opening the letter. He suddenly gasped and choked on his morning bagel. "Rant Bugonia! Get in here!" he wheezed, spitting crumbs all over poor skinny Barry. Barry quickly sprawled on the floor to eat the crumbs.
Rant Bugonia entered the room. She looked like an underfed donkey with oversized front teeth. She quickly said in a high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!"
As she said this, she tripped over Barry, which made him regurgitate the crumbs. He quickly ate the crumbs again. He also, in his hurry to get the crumbs before the neighbor's dog did, accidently consumed what he hoped was a dust bunny. Either that, or funcle Burnin was shedding again. Rant Bugonia quickly ripped up his letter. "Here," she said, "Eat your vegetables," and threw the bits of paper at Barry, who quickly ate them up. (yes... Barry is that hungry)
The next day, there was another four letters at their doorstep. Barry was picking through the garbage, when funcle Burnin threw the letters in the fire.
Over the next week, the letters came so frequently that his funcle had to nail the mail slot shut. Lucky for Barry, there was some leftover wood and nails. He didn't really want to eat the nails, but his rant made him. You know... healthy for him... lots of iron.
On the last day of the week, Sunday, funcle Burnin looked content. "Wonderful day, Sunday," said funcle Burnin, "and you know why, Barry?" Barry looked up from his half eaten snail shell, which he found in the garden (it's healthy... a lot of calcium...) Barry nodded. "No post...," he blurted gleely as some of his coffee spilled on the floor. Barry immediatly abandoned the snail shell, and crawled towards the spilt coffee and began to lick it up. "No siree! No post on Sunday!" exclaimed funcle Burnin. After licking up the coffee, Barry went back to his snail shell. "No bloody post today!" funcle Burnin yelled. Suddenly, the "house" began to shake. Hundreds of letters started shooting out of the fireplace. "Buffet!" shouted Barry as he ate letters. "That's it!" said Burnin, "We're moving somewhere they'll never find us!"
They packed and moved to a hotel. That night they heard a door knock. "I have mail for a Mr. B. Cotter?!" shouted the freckly young man.
It was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Asphault View Inn,
Room 319, floor by the vent.
Funcle Burnin quickly ripped it up. "Further! We must go further!" he screeched.
Once again, they packed up and moved out. This time, funcle Burnin rented a small boat which, lucky for Barry, had a lot of barnacles and seaweed. Upon arriving on a rock Island, Barry had a mouthful of barnacles. The Bursleys slept in a warm cozy cabin, while Barry slept in his outhouse.
At 12 o' clock midnight, Barry heard a watch alarm go off. He woke up with a start. "Wow," he whispered to himself, "It's my birthday..." He looked around the room and saw what looked like a "cake". Not even giving a second thought to what it was, he pounced on it and gobbled it up. "Well," he sighed, "It's no snail shell, but it will do..." Just then, the door flew open and smacked Barry in the head. He collapsed. "Woops!" said the strange man. Barry woke up in time to follow the tall man to the cabin. He kicked down the door. Suddenly, there was a loud squeek and a scream from inside. "Fluffy!" screamed Bugonia. "Uh oh... the neighbors aren't going to like this!" They had borrowed the neighbor's poodle to keep guard in case any pesky owls tried to deliver mail again. "I gotta watch wer' I kick these doors!" said the man. "Oh! I'm here to pick up Barry!" "Excuse me..." exclaimed Barry, "But who the hack are you?!" "I'm Doodius Bagrat! Keeper of fleas and mounds at Pigwarts School of Witchcrap and Wizardpee!" he replied. "WHAT?!" "You're a wizard, Barry... where do you think yer' mum an' dad learned it all?" For such a large man, Bagrat sounded a lot like a girl. "Learned 'it'? WHAT IS 'IT'?! Be specific, you big oaf!" yelled Barry. "Sorry Barry..." "I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!" Burnin barked. "Aw... stuff it in your ear, Bursley!" Bagrat squeeked as he pointed his walking stick at Smudley's fat face. Something shot out and hit him. He burst into flames and ran around shrieking. "Woops... wrong spell!" "Smudley!" cried Bugonia running after him. "Uh... let's go, Barry..." he pushed him out the door.
There was a broom floating right outside. It was different than any broom he had ever seen. It had a steering wheels, two rows of seats, and a large speaker tied to the back. There was music blasting from it... "Drop it like it's hot! Drop it like it's hot!..." "Riiiiiiight..." said Bagrat "Hop in the back and lez' ride!"
A few hours later, Barry sat twitching by a blazing fire, huddled in blankets. "Sorry bout' the hydrolics, Barry. I just got em' last week." mumbled Bagrat. "Oh! An' here's yer' cake!" he suddenly squeeked, pulling out a smashed cake from his back pocket. "Don't mind the stains..." but Barry didn't mind, he dove on it and began devouring it. "Wait! Let me take off the wrapper!" Bagrat yelled, but Barry growled at him.
"The wrapper's the best part!" he hissed. "Uh... if you insist..." exclaimed Bagrat, as he backed away. "We'll get your school supplies tomorrow then..."
Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
that was so brilliant. It was hilarious I m so taking this one .
(Is this copywrited?) Did u make it yourself? man take a star.
Reply:funnyyyy...!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Reply:Man!! I dont know why I read it all till the very end but just don't know what should be the reaction. Am amazed that parodies could be so rampant and in-the-face. But maybe it has to do with the fac that I abhor The Potty Hotter anyways.
SO you're on a roll mate.Keep up the good work.
Kapish!
Reply:lol broomstick with steering gears and sound blasters
Reply:hey....thats funny,man!!!..
..
Reply:good 1 pal! take a star....
Reply:Cool.
It's better than the Barry Trotter books.
Moldybutt was killed instantly. Or so it seemed...
Barry was taken to his rant and funcle's house to live until he was ready to re-enter the wizarding world (sorry, we can't say "aunt and uncle"... why? we don't feel like it!). He slept in the cupboard under the sink... with a leaky pipe. Every morning, his cousin Smudley would turn on the tap and get him wet. Smudley was a... well... "rounded" sorta kid.
Smudley went to St. Jiggle Jaggle's School for "rounded" boys. Barry went to the mourge. He learned many a interesting things in there. One of them was where the gizzard is located. Another is how to get rid of a kidney stone (Which, he found out, was both easy and painful...)
One day, a letter came to Barry it was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Little Dingy Driveway
The Cupboard under the sink, which is constantly turned
on by a grotesque and rotund 11 year-old boy
But before he could read it, his funcle Burnin snatched it away. "Who would be writing to you?!" he said opening the letter. He suddenly gasped and choked on his morning bagel. "Rant Bugonia! Get in here!" he wheezed, spitting crumbs all over poor skinny Barry. Barry quickly sprawled on the floor to eat the crumbs.
Rant Bugonia entered the room. She looked like an underfed donkey with oversized front teeth. She quickly said in a high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!"
As she said this, she tripped over Barry, which made him regurgitate the crumbs. He quickly ate the crumbs again. He also, in his hurry to get the crumbs before the neighbor's dog did, accidently consumed what he hoped was a dust bunny. Either that, or funcle Burnin was shedding again. Rant Bugonia quickly ripped up his letter. "Here," she said, "Eat your vegetables," and threw the bits of paper at Barry, who quickly ate them up. (yes... Barry is that hungry)
The next day, there was another four letters at their doorstep. Barry was picking through the garbage, when funcle Burnin threw the letters in the fire.
Over the next week, the letters came so frequently that his funcle had to nail the mail slot shut. Lucky for Barry, there was some leftover wood and nails. He didn't really want to eat the nails, but his rant made him. You know... healthy for him... lots of iron.
On the last day of the week, Sunday, funcle Burnin looked content. "Wonderful day, Sunday," said funcle Burnin, "and you know why, Barry?" Barry looked up from his half eaten snail shell, which he found in the garden (it's healthy... a lot of calcium...) Barry nodded. "No post...," he blurted gleely as some of his coffee spilled on the floor. Barry immediatly abandoned the snail shell, and crawled towards the spilt coffee and began to lick it up. "No siree! No post on Sunday!" exclaimed funcle Burnin. After licking up the coffee, Barry went back to his snail shell. "No bloody post today!" funcle Burnin yelled. Suddenly, the "house" began to shake. Hundreds of letters started shooting out of the fireplace. "Buffet!" shouted Barry as he ate letters. "That's it!" said Burnin, "We're moving somewhere they'll never find us!"
They packed and moved to a hotel. That night they heard a door knock. "I have mail for a Mr. B. Cotter?!" shouted the freckly young man.
It was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Asphault View Inn,
Room 319, floor by the vent.
Funcle Burnin quickly ripped it up. "Further! We must go further!" he screeched.
Once again, they packed up and moved out. This time, funcle Burnin rented a small boat which, lucky for Barry, had a lot of barnacles and seaweed. Upon arriving on a rock Island, Barry had a mouthful of barnacles. The Bursleys slept in a warm cozy cabin, while Barry slept in his outhouse.
At 12 o' clock midnight, Barry heard a watch alarm go off. He woke up with a start. "Wow," he whispered to himself, "It's my birthday..." He looked around the room and saw what looked like a "cake". Not even giving a second thought to what it was, he pounced on it and gobbled it up. "Well," he sighed, "It's no snail shell, but it will do..." Just then, the door flew open and smacked Barry in the head. He collapsed. "Woops!" said the strange man. Barry woke up in time to follow the tall man to the cabin. He kicked down the door. Suddenly, there was a loud squeek and a scream from inside. "Fluffy!" screamed Bugonia. "Uh oh... the neighbors aren't going to like this!" They had borrowed the neighbor's poodle to keep guard in case any pesky owls tried to deliver mail again. "I gotta watch wer' I kick these doors!" said the man. "Oh! I'm here to pick up Barry!" "Excuse me..." exclaimed Barry, "But who the hack are you?!" "I'm Doodius Bagrat! Keeper of fleas and mounds at Pigwarts School of Witchcrap and Wizardpee!" he replied. "WHAT?!" "You're a wizard, Barry... where do you think yer' mum an' dad learned it all?" For such a large man, Bagrat sounded a lot like a girl. "Learned 'it'? WHAT IS 'IT'?! Be specific, you big oaf!" yelled Barry. "Sorry Barry..." "I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!" Burnin barked. "Aw... stuff it in your ear, Bursley!" Bagrat squeeked as he pointed his walking stick at Smudley's fat face. Something shot out and hit him. He burst into flames and ran around shrieking. "Woops... wrong spell!" "Smudley!" cried Bugonia running after him. "Uh... let's go, Barry..." he pushed him out the door.
There was a broom floating right outside. It was different than any broom he had ever seen. It had a steering wheels, two rows of seats, and a large speaker tied to the back. There was music blasting from it... "Drop it like it's hot! Drop it like it's hot!..." "Riiiiiiight..." said Bagrat "Hop in the back and lez' ride!"
A few hours later, Barry sat twitching by a blazing fire, huddled in blankets. "Sorry bout' the hydrolics, Barry. I just got em' last week." mumbled Bagrat. "Oh! An' here's yer' cake!" he suddenly squeeked, pulling out a smashed cake from his back pocket. "Don't mind the stains..." but Barry didn't mind, he dove on it and began devouring it. "Wait! Let me take off the wrapper!" Bagrat yelled, but Barry growled at him.
"The wrapper's the best part!" he hissed. "Uh... if you insist..." exclaimed Bagrat, as he backed away. "We'll get your school supplies tomorrow then..."
Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
that was so brilliant. It was hilarious I m so taking this one .
(Is this copywrited?) Did u make it yourself? man take a star.
Reply:funnyyyy...!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Reply:Man!! I dont know why I read it all till the very end but just don't know what should be the reaction. Am amazed that parodies could be so rampant and in-the-face. But maybe it has to do with the fac that I abhor The Potty Hotter anyways.
SO you're on a roll mate.Keep up the good work.
Kapish!
Reply:lol broomstick with steering gears and sound blasters
Reply:hey....thats funny,man!!!..
..
Reply:good 1 pal! take a star....
Reply:Cool.
It's better than the Barry Trotter books.
Working With The FBI?
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Working With The FBI?
I'm having a nice time today answering for a change...lol nice one babe..
Reply:hahahahahaa nice one hun!!! lmao
Reply:Good one!
Reply:ROFL! thats awesome. =D
Reply:hahahahahaha
smart neighbors ....
I want the FBI to do all my work for me!! how ironic would that be!! I'll call and tell on you if you will call and tell on me!!
:OD
thanks for the laugh!
Reply:K....But I also need my garden plowed
Reply:ahhh, FBI l remember it well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9_PlavxU...
Reply:LOL!!
Even though I've read this joke before, it's still funny.
Reply:Come to think of it, I do need my basement door broken.
Darn thing's been jammed for as long as I can remember.
Reply:Hahahahahhahaaaa, great one hun, lmao
Reply:LMSUIAO Are you sure it was the FBI It sounnds like IBI.
Reply:ha ha ha ha
would someone call for me, my garden needs doing totally overgown with brambles
cream blush
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Working With The FBI?
I'm having a nice time today answering for a change...lol nice one babe..
Reply:hahahahahaa nice one hun!!! lmao
Reply:Good one!
Reply:ROFL! thats awesome. =D
Reply:hahahahahaha
smart neighbors ....
I want the FBI to do all my work for me!! how ironic would that be!! I'll call and tell on you if you will call and tell on me!!
:OD
thanks for the laugh!
Reply:K....But I also need my garden plowed
Reply:ahhh, FBI l remember it well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9_PlavxU...
Reply:LOL!!
Even though I've read this joke before, it's still funny.
Reply:Come to think of it, I do need my basement door broken.
Darn thing's been jammed for as long as I can remember.
Reply:Hahahahahhahaaaa, great one hun, lmao
Reply:LMSUIAO Are you sure it was the FBI It sounnds like IBI.
Reply:ha ha ha ha
would someone call for me, my garden needs doing totally overgown with brambles
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