Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?

Barry Cotter was just a boy when he was attacked by a purple wizard (sorry... we can't say "dark" or we'll get sued). It was a great evil purple wizard by the name of Lord Moldybutt. On attacking him, the purple wizard Moldybutt, gave Barry a bone-shaped scar (sorry, we can't say "lightning shaped" or we'll be sued for copyright infringement...). After attacking Barry, the purple wizard was about to leave when Barry, suddenly, released a lethal amount of fart gas.

Moldybutt was killed instantly. Or so it seemed...

Barry was taken to his rant and funcle's house to live until he was ready to re-enter the wizarding world (sorry, we can't say "aunt and uncle"... why? we don't feel like it!). He slept in the cupboard under the sink... with a leaky pipe. Every morning, his cousin Smudley would turn on the tap and get him wet. Smudley was a... well... "rounded" sorta kid.

Smudley went to St. Jiggle Jaggle's School for "rounded" boys. Barry went to the mourge. He learned many a interesting things in there. One of them was where the gizzard is located. Another is how to get rid of a kidney stone (Which, he found out, was both easy and painful...)

One day, a letter came to Barry it was addressed:





Mr. B. Cotter, Little Dingy Driveway

The Cupboard under the sink, which is constantly turned

on by a grotesque and rotund 11 year-old boy



But before he could read it, his funcle Burnin snatched it away. "Who would be writing to you?!" he said opening the letter. He suddenly gasped and choked on his morning bagel. "Rant Bugonia! Get in here!" he wheezed, spitting crumbs all over poor skinny Barry. Barry quickly sprawled on the floor to eat the crumbs.

Rant Bugonia entered the room. She looked like an underfed donkey with oversized front teeth. She quickly said in a high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!"

As she said this, she tripped over Barry, which made him regurgitate the crumbs. He quickly ate the crumbs again. He also, in his hurry to get the crumbs before the neighbor's dog did, accidently consumed what he hoped was a dust bunny. Either that, or funcle Burnin was shedding again. Rant Bugonia quickly ripped up his letter. "Here," she said, "Eat your vegetables," and threw the bits of paper at Barry, who quickly ate them up. (yes... Barry is that hungry)

The next day, there was another four letters at their doorstep. Barry was picking through the garbage, when funcle Burnin threw the letters in the fire.

Over the next week, the letters came so frequently that his funcle had to nail the mail slot shut. Lucky for Barry, there was some leftover wood and nails. He didn't really want to eat the nails, but his rant made him. You know... healthy for him... lots of iron.

On the last day of the week, Sunday, funcle Burnin looked content. "Wonderful day, Sunday," said funcle Burnin, "and you know why, Barry?" Barry looked up from his half eaten snail shell, which he found in the garden (it's healthy... a lot of calcium...) Barry nodded. "No post...," he blurted gleely as some of his coffee spilled on the floor. Barry immediatly abandoned the snail shell, and crawled towards the spilt coffee and began to lick it up. "No siree! No post on Sunday!" exclaimed funcle Burnin. After licking up the coffee, Barry went back to his snail shell. "No bloody post today!" funcle Burnin yelled. Suddenly, the "house" began to shake. Hundreds of letters started shooting out of the fireplace. "Buffet!" shouted Barry as he ate letters. "That's it!" said Burnin, "We're moving somewhere they'll never find us!"

They packed and moved to a hotel. That night they heard a door knock. "I have mail for a Mr. B. Cotter?!" shouted the freckly young man.

It was addressed:



Mr. B. Cotter, Asphault View Inn,

Room 319, floor by the vent.



Funcle Burnin quickly ripped it up. "Further! We must go further!" he screeched.

Once again, they packed up and moved out. This time, funcle Burnin rented a small boat which, lucky for Barry, had a lot of barnacles and seaweed. Upon arriving on a rock Island, Barry had a mouthful of barnacles. The Bursleys slept in a warm cozy cabin, while Barry slept in his outhouse.

At 12 o' clock midnight, Barry heard a watch alarm go off. He woke up with a start. "Wow," he whispered to himself, "It's my birthday..." He looked around the room and saw what looked like a "cake". Not even giving a second thought to what it was, he pounced on it and gobbled it up. "Well," he sighed, "It's no snail shell, but it will do..." Just then, the door flew open and smacked Barry in the head. He collapsed. "Woops!" said the strange man. Barry woke up in time to follow the tall man to the cabin. He kicked down the door. Suddenly, there was a loud squeek and a scream from inside. "Fluffy!" screamed Bugonia. "Uh oh... the neighbors aren't going to like this!" They had borrowed the neighbor's poodle to keep guard in case any pesky owls tried to deliver mail again. "I gotta watch wer' I kick these doors!" said the man. "Oh! I'm here to pick up Barry!" "Excuse me..." exclaimed Barry, "But who the hack are you?!" "I'm Doodius Bagrat! Keeper of fleas and mounds at Pigwarts School of Witchcrap and Wizardpee!" he replied. "WHAT?!" "You're a wizard, Barry... where do you think yer' mum an' dad learned it all?" For such a large man, Bagrat sounded a lot like a girl. "Learned 'it'? WHAT IS 'IT'?! Be specific, you big oaf!" yelled Barry. "Sorry Barry..." "I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!" Burnin barked. "Aw... stuff it in your ear, Bursley!" Bagrat squeeked as he pointed his walking stick at Smudley's fat face. Something shot out and hit him. He burst into flames and ran around shrieking. "Woops... wrong spell!" "Smudley!" cried Bugonia running after him. "Uh... let's go, Barry..." he pushed him out the door.

There was a broom floating right outside. It was different than any broom he had ever seen. It had a steering wheels, two rows of seats, and a large speaker tied to the back. There was music blasting from it... "Drop it like it's hot! Drop it like it's hot!..." "Riiiiiiight..." said Bagrat "Hop in the back and lez' ride!"

A few hours later, Barry sat twitching by a blazing fire, huddled in blankets. "Sorry bout' the hydrolics, Barry. I just got em' last week." mumbled Bagrat. "Oh! An' here's yer' cake!" he suddenly squeeked, pulling out a smashed cake from his back pocket. "Don't mind the stains..." but Barry didn't mind, he dove on it and began devouring it. "Wait! Let me take off the wrapper!" Bagrat yelled, but Barry growled at him.

"The wrapper's the best part!" he hissed. "Uh... if you insist..." exclaimed Bagrat, as he backed away. "We'll get your school supplies tomorrow then..."

Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
that was so brilliant. It was hilarious I m so taking this one .

(Is this copywrited?) Did u make it yourself? man take a star.
Reply:funnyyyy...!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Reply:Man!! I dont know why I read it all till the very end but just don't know what should be the reaction. Am amazed that parodies could be so rampant and in-the-face. But maybe it has to do with the fac that I abhor The Potty Hotter anyways.

SO you're on a roll mate.Keep up the good work.

Kapish!
Reply:lol broomstick with steering gears and sound blasters
Reply:hey....thats funny,man!!!..

..
Reply:good 1 pal! take a star....
Reply:Cool.

It's better than the Barry Trotter books.