Married women answer please!?

I'm not really one for stereotypical male/female roles but are there some things you *expect* your husband to do? Things like, putting up a garden shed, planting a tree, painting/decorating - that sort of thing?


If I wait for my partner to do these things I wait forever as nothing gets done.


Do you do these sort of things yourself or do you ask your husband to do them?


If you do ask them, do they actually do them!?

Married women answer please!?
I've been waiting 18 months for my husband to put up some blinds in my daughters bedroom. Every week I ask him but it never gets done. Our curtain pole was hanging off in our front room for about 3 months before he finally got round to doing it (cos I kept nagging him) and he needs to fix a new door to our oven - still waiting - he broke it about 8 weeks ago.





*sigh*





I wonder what would happen if he had to nag me to wash his work clothes in time for Monday.........
Reply:my one listens to whatever i do. i mean of course he has to. he's my life partner.
Reply:sometimes I do ;but mostly mu partner does
Reply:I've been married 17 years. We have a routine down. I do the decorating(I always say "Don't play in my sandbox!LOL!") and gardening. If something needs to be put together then he does the manual work, I read the directions.
Reply:i take care of the domestic chores(i'd rather do it myself) he takes care of the finances (ihate) so our duties work out
Reply:I expect him to take the bins out. As for DIY - he's rubbish so tends to pay for someone to come in and do it. I expect him to help around the house but nothing in particular.
Reply:DO WHAT I DID,,I HIRED A HANDY MAN..AND GOT IT DONE RIGHT..NO SHORT CUT NO CHEAP BARGAINS..IT GOT DONE AND DONE THE WAY I WANTED IT TO BE DONE....
Reply:We are not stereotypical but then I am quite independent. I do the gardening cos I enjoy it, and cooking because my partner can't cook..





DIY wise if I can do something myself I will do it. Partner will do the odd DOY job if I ask him, but it can take a loooong time (these are jobs that either I can't do or aren't high priority :-)





Although I do the vast majority of day to day jobs, if ask my partner to do something he will straight away - ie take bin bags out, empty dishwasher, hoover lounge, give dog her medicine.





But I do all the washing and drying, cooking and cleaning, so basically get the raw deal :-) Yes what did happen to equality seems to have swung too far in the wrong direction in my case.





BUT he is a very good dad and is happy being a proactive involved Dad.





And he always gets rid of spiders, bugs and daddy longlegs.
Reply:I am independent myself, so I got used to doing a lot of things. He is the one who chooses to do those chores because of the male stereotype. And now that I'm pregnant, and I can't do anything, I am in charge of dinner and dishes, he does the rest of the work. We never had this arrangement though, we just do it like this, never even talked about it...





Sometimes I do have to wait forever for things to get done, but in the end, they get done... I learned to be patient and not nag. He is learning to be patient as well, as I have adjusted my priorities to his results. As an example, I asked 2-3 weeks for him to set my line to hang my clothes to dry. As it took him 3 weeks, I just stopped doing laundry. After running out of clean socks, the line is there.
Reply:If he won't others will even if you have to use the yellow pages to get it done.
Reply:first of all let me say i dont work due to medical reasons. i hate cleaning etc, i suck at it to be honest. i try my damn hardest to keep the house tidy an clean. i expect my hubby to do the diy becuase he is a perfectionist. if it ist done absloutly perfect by me then he will rip it up/out and do it again. so i have resoreted to nagging him to get off his butt and do it. yes he works full time, i leave him to do whatever he wants during the week but i expct him to get some diy done at the weekends. the baby is due in a few months and he has just ripped out the kitchen. grrrrrr. sometimes i think i should just do it myself, then i remember what the consequenses would be if i made the tinyest mistake or the shelf wasnt pefectly flat etc and i dont do it.
Reply:What happened to we are all equal
Reply:In my household, there are no gendered chores. But I'll tell you this, If I waited around for my husband to take the initiate to clean house, do yard work or help with the children, my house would be condemned for it's disarray. I don't "expect" my husband to do anything. I tell him: today is yard day. Would you like to mow and pull weeds or would you like to put up the shed? Or we can do both together? OR: today is laundry day, here is your half to fold. You can't give them a way out. If they don't want to do it, then stop doing anything for them. My husband learned that I was not going to work fulltime at work and at home. He contributed nothing but a paycheck - which I also did. So, I stopped making his dinner, stopped doing his laundry and anything else he reaped the benefits of. And, I did it without yelling, nagging or screaming. He caught on pretty quickly.
Reply:My husband and I lived together for 4 years before we got married, so none of this would be surprise. He is REALLY slow, but he is also very much a perfectionist. We split up the chores. I try not to nag him, cause it only makes him get slower. The only things I Expect from my husband is: be honest, faithful, loving and to tell me he loves me. Talk with your hubby about this stuff. Tell him how you feel. PS sometimes its nice to have a hubby that takes his time...lol
Reply:no u shouldnt expect him to ask him tgo if u want it done my hubby dosnt do that stuff and ilove him
Reply:I have waited 15 years for my husband to help me with anything other than the car. I work 45 hours a week and do everything around the house and with the kids. No amount of asking or waiting until he "feels" like helping matters. Its all in the demeanor of the man. I think if he wasn't expected to contribute during his childhood than he may never help. I've learned to do things on my own or ask my father. Some things never change no matter how many years you wait.
Reply:Yes, my husband does all that stuff.





And it is *TOTALLY* unreasonable to expect him to do all the really nasty/heavy "male" work and not take care of more "female" work on the whole "equal" footing.





We have a good deal going on.
Reply:ha ! I decorate myself, but he helps from time to time. I do the garden, too.


But he sorts the car out, that sort of thing, so I suppose we're typical in that way.
Reply:I don't expect my husband to do any thing. That way he does do some of the decorating, gardening with out being grumpy about it.
Reply:*LOL* Hun I've waited about 3 years for a shed to be put up!!! I often wait about two days for him to remove a book from the bathroom!





I expect my hubby to pull his weight but he needs a constant reminder though. I ask him to load dishwasher. That's it and do me breakfast on a Saturday morning when I've done my night shift.





I do the gardening and alot of the DIY. He hates it!
Reply:You can trade vehicles for awhile. Tell him you need a more dependable vehicle, therefore need to drive his. He can drive yours and see how it is and fix it b/c he'll be driving it not you! As for the stove, if you don't like cooking like that and want it fixed, stop baking things. Find other recipes you can cook for dinner that doesn't have to use the stove. He'll ask why no baked foods, you point at the stove and say well honey I didn't want to disturb the SPOON that's holding it closed! He'll get the hint. As for the other stuff, light switches and door hangings....well buy what you can and attempt to do it yourself and when he asks what in the world you are doing, you smile and say well I'm trying to help....he'll get the hint. If all else fails, go on strike! He'll definately get the hint then. Stop all your wifely duties, except for the bedroom, don't want to punish yourself :)
Reply:My wife and I have always had an understanding that we don't really have set things, but they have sort of evolved that way. We split most tasks. (we both cook, we both do laundry, we both clean up etc...)





However, there are a few things that seem to be exclusively in my domain. I take out the trash, I shovel snow, I mow the lawn, etc. . . I'm not the most handy person in the world, so I'm not as good with house maintenance things.





Personally, this method ususally works for us because I think we're both pretty responsible and would not want to take advantage of the other. However, if your husband is not doing his share, then I think who does what and when has to be negotiated. That way, there are no excuses.





And if THAT doesn't work, you basically (to the extent that you can) do YOUR chores and he does his. You do your laundry, you cook your meals, etc, and let him fend for himself. When he is ready to be reasonable, then you can talk about who does what again.
Reply:My husband sees these things as his role and takes pride in doing them bcoz early on I told him I was turned on by a man who was able to do DIY etc....however a friend has a similair issue her husband started on their bathroom 2yrs ago and has left it in a state and has never soirted it out..it is really in a state and they have to use it as it is..what she did was get my hubby round to start working on it..and her husband got off his backside pretty fast and has finished it off..my hubby only managed to do an hours work b4 her hubby...got involved...maybe another man either your brother, father, uncle or friend coming round to do it for you will get him busy..good luck...
Reply:Expectations are dangerous things. The best thing to do is to tell him what you want him to do and tell him what you want help with.


No one, especially men, can read minds. If you expect him to just "get it" you will be disappointed everytime which will lead to resentment. Tell him what you want and realize perhaps a task you give him isn't to his strength so be prepared to accept that he isn't good at painting trim, etc.


Communicate, negotiate and enjoy!
Reply:Most of the times i will do it myself. If i ask him to do it he does it when he feels like it. At that point I will do it myself. Most of the times if I don't do it exactly how its suppose to be done he gets upset cuz he told me he would do it. But you get tired of waiting for it to get done so its a win loose situation.
Reply:hmm i don't really ask him to do any of those things... he just put up a new swing set last night but i didn't ask him to have it done... i do take out the trash and do most of what one would consider "man" chores like mowing the lawn etc... but right now i'm a sahm so i don't mind it. and anything extra he usually gets to
Reply:my husband comes home from work and eats dinner and then the rest of the night is *his* cuz he had a long day or whatever. I can ask a million times and until i get storming mad he wont do it. I ask so many times until i push supposedly. Then he tells me that im nagging him. If he would have done it in the first place we wouldnt be in this situation.


I keep the whole house cleaned dinner made laundry done and Im 35 weeks pregnant lol. I got to the point of just doing stuff myself or making a list on the fridge of other things and asking my brothers when they stop over to help with something. Or i'll call my dad.. Hes useless somedays lol
Reply:I do everything. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. I used to think that things like taking out the trash, mowing the yard and fixing things were the"mans" job but that's not how it is at my house.
Reply:My husband is the same way, but if I waited for him to do things, they may never get done as our priorities are not always in synch with each other. I'm sure he has projects outlined for me that never get done either.





I think he got the message when I found the part and fixed the dishwasher. We had a huge argument because he said that fixing appliances was his job, not mine. I told him that him not doing his job was affecting my ability to do mine, so I fixed the dishwasher and apparently his manhood is still intact and the universe didn't come to a screeching halt... so he chilled out a bit, and I communicate better when I absolutely NEED him to do something.
Reply:I have learned to chose my battles with him. If I want him to go and put up a shed I will tell him since you are off today I figured you could either work on the shed or we could go over to Moms for the day........bingo the shed gets worked on. When it comes to painting, planting things etc then I will tell him come on lets go paint the kids bedroom I get the stuff out and help him with it so that it gets done. I have found the best thing to do is to give him a choice and I make the second one what I know he will never do! Now when it comes to the small stuff I have learned how to fix a leaky sink, unclog a drain etc because if I had to wait on him we would be in retirement.
Reply:eh?