He is the rotten apple in the barrel at the moment. digs up plants and is generally a nuisance. I put him in the bin but he climbed out and is hiding in the compost bin. Help please!
How do you make a gnome behave?
Two housebricks on the plums. Works every time. My delinquent dwarf got a bit gobby with me until i bricked his nuts. Now he's nice as pie
Reply:I recomend playing and singing with the song "The Gnome" to him, by Pink Floyd. Then he might chill. Anyway even if he does'nt, all the other gnomes are gonna love it.
Reply:Tell him that Santa will chop him up and give the pieces of him to the bad boys and girls this year instead of coal.
Reply:No place like gnome!
Reply:Perhaps you should send him for elfocution lessons. :-)
Confiscating his spade will stop him digging up the garden.
Failing that... stick him in the middle of the faery ring at the bottom of your garden... they'll soon sort him out!
Reply:I know how you could sort little Dave out; you could call the dog-whisperer in. Apparently it's all about expressing the 'dominant energy', once you express the dominant energy little Dave'll pick up on it and fall into line.
Good luck!
Reply:I don't know how to make Dave behave. My gnomes are all so good - i love chillin out with my gnomies!
Reply:Spank him soundly and then tell him that the travalocity gnome will come and rape him if he doesn't learn to behave.
Reply:He needs educating. Send him on a gnome economics course.
Reply:I have a cat, Tigger, who likes to roger garden gnomes. Perhaps if the two could be introduced, we'd all be happier. If they had babies, would they be combs or Gnoggies, do you think?
Reply:I'd send him off traveling %26amp; tell him not to come home till he learned better manners
Reply:Threaten to take away his rod, it worked on Carl
Good luck
Reply:Your gnome Dave is closely related to Gremlins. Gremlins existed during the 2nd World War. They also did mischievous things. They would foul up the guns on the airplanes. They would whisper lies into the ears of those who needed to hear truths. They would put runs in the nylon stockings (for those lucky enough to have nylon stockings), they would steal the ration stamps so that you couldn't buy enough butter or meat, they would foul up the engine in your car (although not many people had cars since most car manufacturers became factories to make war materiel), they would just try to make trouble any way they could.
Now your Dave obviously has learned a lot from my Gremlins. More power to him.
lol
Reply:Take away his fishing rod and send him to obiedience school.
Reply:Have you tried just sitting down and talking with him? You know, man to gnome....just lay it all out on the table. Maybe he thinks you like the other gnomes better and is trying to get your attention? Show a gnome some love!
Reply:Well my gnome used to go up behind people when they were at my door and crap on them and run away. All you have to do is verbaly abuse his hat! Gnomes are very sensitive about their hats. if this doesnt work throw him into an interdimensional portal, created by bringing the magnetic poles of two pigs together while you get a baby with a head simmiliar to that of a mouses focus its magic power on the gnome while clpapping your ruby slippers together and saying "theirs no place like gnome" repeativly untill he disapear. To get him back chant "i found the human g-gnome"
Reply:Spank him with his spade. If he still persists, put him on a traffic island in the High Street on a Saturday when the binge drinkers are in force. He will soon meet his match.
I blame the Gnome Office, decent gnomes don't get treated fairly nowadays, like us humans!
Reply:Speaking as a Dave myself, its not that the gnome part of him is misbehaving, its the Dave part.
Reply:I can tell Glenn from your palintive request that you are in a spot of bother.
I would recommend putting catnip in the gnomes shoes.
If this fails leave an anthrax letter in his shed and the problem should be sorted.
Reply:what you describe seems to be normal gnome behavior, its the other ones who are misguided, leave the poor litle chap alone, one day you will notice ther local cats are giving birth to kittens equipped with fishing rods and wearing red hats. good luck to him is all I can say.................
Reply:Its been my experience that you cannot make a Gnome behave, period. I suggest trying to get on his good side or investing in a fairy to keep him occupied.
Reply:i suggest you take him for some obedience training at the IDEAL GNOME EXHIBITION.
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