A few old jokes.?

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.



"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"







Bad Day of Golf



A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.



Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.



"What did you do?" asks the doctor.



Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,

"Hey, this looks like yours!"







The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom's house.

"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yeah they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."







HOW MEN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN



Wine her,

Dine her,

Call her,

Hug her,

Hold her,

Surprise her,

Compliment her,

Smile at her,

Laugh with her,

Cry with her,

Cuddle with her,

Shop with her,

Give her jewelry,

Buy her flowers,

Hold her hand,

Write love letters to her,

Go the end of the earth and back again for her.



HOW WOMEN CAN IMPRESS A MAN



Show up naked.

Bring beer.



top /\







A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money.



The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.



The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.



The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.



The man thought for a long time about what each a woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts

A few old jokes.?
hahahaha thankz for the jokes they were funny
Reply:more! more!
Reply:really cool jokes!
Reply:HAHAHA

lmao!!

very funny!
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOL!! LOL!! I especially loved the FBI and Golf Ball ones.
Reply:very gd pmsl 10/10
Reply:cool
Reply:All good the golf ball one best
Reply:funny but i didn't get the first one