ok... so my shed is built on top of some flag stones, big flag stones in the coner of my garden, i noticed a few bees hanging around there, when i went to have a closer look (not to close as im really scared of them lol) i noticed they were going through this crack inbetween two flagstones.
i can see from the side of my garden there is a gap under these flagstonse and there are somehow lots of old leaves there
could this bee a bees nest? or do they not go underground?
also... how do i "check it out"
fanx xXx
Bees nest?
they're not honey bees.
they're hornets.
some call them meat bees.
i'd get some hornet spray, watch to see all the holes they seem to use, and spray them at night.
Reply:Bumble Bees do build underground and you are describing the perfect place for a nest. The thing is there will only be about 30 of them tops and they won't bother you if you don't bother them.
Easiest way to check it out? Get a chair, sit 20 feet away and watch. You'll soon see their flight paths.
I like bees, but I'm not that keen on wasps. If you want to kill them just dust the entry hole with ant powder after dark. The workers will walk it into the nest and the drones will die cleaning them, the rest starve.
Reply:I don't know what your bees look like but yellow jackets build nests underground. They are fairly aggressive. They do not lose their stingers when they sting like honey bees do so they can sting multiple times. If you go to this site you can find out what they are. http://enature.com/zipguides/
Reply:Yes bees do go under ground, they really don't bother you unless you bother them as if they sting you they die, If it bothers you that much contact your local pest control officer ( in the uk they are based at council offices ) or speak with them and they will advise you
Reply:Yes they do nest underground, I have two nest's one in the back garden %26amp; one in the front.
They won't harm you, I mow over their nest everyweek, they have never stung me yet!
Touchwood.... lol
Reply:sounds like it , they won't harm you , just don't walk in front of their flight path to the hole in the paving stones .
Reply:They will go at the end of autumn. Leave them to their own devices and they won't bother you.
Hiking Shoes
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
One more Joke!?
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
One more Joke!?
Loved It !!!
Reply:hahahaha, dat ish is funny, ima have ta try sumthin like dat
Reply:LOL thats funny a ***!
Hey Cool crab, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.
Reply:lol haha lmao rotflmao
RTTTBIPMS
running to the toilet before i piss myself
Reply:lmfao now thats some funny stuff have a star
Reply:mucho funnyo!!!
natural makeup
"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
One more Joke!?
Loved It !!!
Reply:hahahaha, dat ish is funny, ima have ta try sumthin like dat
Reply:LOL thats funny a ***!
Hey Cool crab, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.
Reply:lol haha lmao rotflmao
RTTTBIPMS
running to the toilet before i piss myself
Reply:lmfao now thats some funny stuff have a star
Reply:mucho funnyo!!!
A few old jokes.?
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
Bad Day of Golf
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
HOW MEN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW WOMEN CAN IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring beer.
top /\
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each a woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts
A few old jokes.?
hahahaha thankz for the jokes they were funny
Reply:more! more!
Reply:really cool jokes!
Reply:HAHAHA
lmao!!
very funny!
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOL!! LOL!! I especially loved the FBI and Golf Ball ones.
Reply:very gd pmsl 10/10
Reply:cool
Reply:All good the golf ball one best
Reply:funny but i didn't get the first one
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
Bad Day of Golf
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
HOW MEN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW WOMEN CAN IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring beer.
top /\
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each a woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts
A few old jokes.?
hahahaha thankz for the jokes they were funny
Reply:more! more!
Reply:really cool jokes!
Reply:HAHAHA
lmao!!
very funny!
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOL!! LOL!! I especially loved the FBI and Golf Ball ones.
Reply:very gd pmsl 10/10
Reply:cool
Reply:All good the golf ball one best
Reply:funny but i didn't get the first one
I want to feed the birds but ive seen a rat? can i still feed the birds?
abig one living under the shed and i think it has babies??
we feed the birds in our garden, we get loads come down and want to carry on feeding them, especially becasue theres a few babies around
but today we saw a rat! what do we do....?
we chuck bread on the floor, so we will stop doing that and we still have the seeders up.
but we also get 4 wood pigeons that come down and eat the bread so how can we feed them without te rats getting it.
is there a way to get rid of the rats without killing them??
I want to feed the birds but ive seen a rat? can i still feed the birds?
You need to stop feeding for a few days and get rid of the Rats as in time they will Kill the Birds,
So get some Rat pioson or contact your local council pest control officer and they will get rid of them for you.
This service is Free with most councils.
Reply:The rats have already established a nest nearby and they will multiply quickly. Even if you took the bird feed away now there is probably another source of food in the vicinity. And contrary to someone elses answer rats can climb trees. Rats need three things to survive: Food, shelter, and water. My guess is since it's summer (at least where I am) all three survival necessities are met. You'll probably need to call an exterminator. They will know how to get rid of the rats without poisoning neighborhood cats/dogs.
Reply:if you want to capture the rat and Not kill there are live traps. then if you catch it and it turns out it has babies you can get a gloves and pick them up. what you'd want to do with it after you caught the rat i'm not sure. or you could drive a few miles and release it into a more wooded area or something.
Reply:You may encourage more rats if you continue to throw bread out. Birds should be left to forage for themselves at this time of the year.
If you have a problem with rats you should call out the local pest control officer (Environmental Health Dept) because rats spread diseases that are very nasty.
Reply:You have to get bird feeders that the rats can't reach. You are meant to hang their feed or use a pole, look at all these bird feeding accessories http://shopping.rspb.org.uk/mall/departm... they're all designed to keep rats away.
Reply:You need to kill those rats! We had a rat coming into our garden and got the pest control in and they said we would have to stop feeding the birds as this attracts the rats.
It's a shame as birds are so nice to look at and watch in your garden.
Reply:Kill the rats. If they don't have babies now they soon will, than you will have more rats. SO kill the rats try attracting some owls or hawks May you could get a pet rat snake and put it where it can get to the rats .
Reply:either get some netting and hang it from the trees or knock up a bird table and put the food on there. Also get someone around to deal with the rats, the local council will send an exterminator around for you
Reply:use a bird feeder and hang it from a tree or fence. something thats not on the ground. is there an area around yours that will attract rats i.e a field or a unclean house.
Reply:The rats need to be killed! They carry disease and are a danger to have close to your home. How can you be sentimental about rats?
Reply:Don't feed the rats!
Reply:Hell no. Get some exterminators in!!!!!
Reply:There's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do!?
Reply:get a bird feeder!!!!! Rats can't climb trees.
Reply:a cage with cheese in it, rat traps?
Reply:It's essential to kill the rats.
You must get rat killer from a farm shop/agricultural supplies place/B%26amp;Q etc
Get the packets of pellets and put some of the packets under the shed so that nothing else can get at them.
We always put a small peg in the end like a tent peg spike to hold it in place so they dont take it away and then it can be checked to see if they are still eating it.
We replenish the packets as soon as they are empty.
We also bought a rat box like you see in parks etc and put some packets in there,and put it anywhere we think the rats run is.
Water has to be available for them to drink to help the poison to work.
You need to use a bird table with an upturned plastic flower pot(cut down the side)and taped around the stand to stop the rats getting on it.
They will climb trees%26amp; pipes etc to get to food.
Therefore if you use the hanging feeders make sure they are not hanging near an overhanging branch of a tree
We have seen a rat eating our birds fat-balls hanging from a tree,and had to remove them.
Reply:If you live catch the rat you have to kill it or give it a home, it's illegal to release vermin.
You've got rats because you are feeding the birds, if you didn't have rats you would have mice.
If you suddenly deny the rats food they will move to look for it elsewhere. Do you want rats in your house? And it will be a lot more serious if they move next door unless you have extremely understanding neighbours.
You have to kill the rats before altering the feeding pattern. Continue what your doing after the rats are gone and another passing family will take the free board and lodgings and when you see one there is always more than just a pair with babies.
I sympathise my tree sparrows are eating 0.5Kg of wild bird seed a day and the Starlings are catching bread before it hits the ground, but I had to move one feeder because the Collared Doves were emptying it in a single sitting, (too expensive to keep it up).
I've definitely got mice in the garden, there was one in the lawn mower, (alive), the last time I cut the grass. That's acceptable, but rats I would have to kill, there's children to think about.
Reply:I can't believe the number of naive people who think that killing rats is going to be a solution to this problem
We had exactly the same problem. I stopped putting feed on the ground and only put seed in hangers and on the roof of our garage... however the rats quickly learned how to climb trees and release the seed, and they had no problem scaling to the roof of our garage.
We bought a humane trap, but we caught a baby rat and even though we checked the trap regularly, it died of stress :-(
So we did nothing... and we got used to seeing the rats and their babies coming out to feed. They are quite cute and though many people would have you believe otherwise, we did not catch any fatal diseases, our dog did not die and they never attacked us or our chickens. In fact, they ate very peacefully alongside the wild birds, and rat poison is more hazardous to health than the rats themselves.
Then, the rats attracted the foxes and the owls. We have a beautiful white owl that circles around outside at dusk, scooping up the mice and rats. I now haven't seen a rat or traces of a rat for about a month.
Just let nature take its course. Its pointless trying to intervene and eliminate rats by poison or trapping. Another rat will just move into the territory. In fact it is better to have one healthy male rat in your garden as it will keep all the other males away.
DEFRA are now looking at using contraceptives as a way to control rat populations. It is already being used in China....
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pa...
Best of luck. Do nothing, and see what happens. Don't freak out if you see baby rats as they will move away as soon as they are old enough. And by not eliminating their food source you should soon see owls and foxes moving around your garden.
we feed the birds in our garden, we get loads come down and want to carry on feeding them, especially becasue theres a few babies around
but today we saw a rat! what do we do....?
we chuck bread on the floor, so we will stop doing that and we still have the seeders up.
but we also get 4 wood pigeons that come down and eat the bread so how can we feed them without te rats getting it.
is there a way to get rid of the rats without killing them??
I want to feed the birds but ive seen a rat? can i still feed the birds?
You need to stop feeding for a few days and get rid of the Rats as in time they will Kill the Birds,
So get some Rat pioson or contact your local council pest control officer and they will get rid of them for you.
This service is Free with most councils.
Reply:The rats have already established a nest nearby and they will multiply quickly. Even if you took the bird feed away now there is probably another source of food in the vicinity. And contrary to someone elses answer rats can climb trees. Rats need three things to survive: Food, shelter, and water. My guess is since it's summer (at least where I am) all three survival necessities are met. You'll probably need to call an exterminator. They will know how to get rid of the rats without poisoning neighborhood cats/dogs.
Reply:if you want to capture the rat and Not kill there are live traps. then if you catch it and it turns out it has babies you can get a gloves and pick them up. what you'd want to do with it after you caught the rat i'm not sure. or you could drive a few miles and release it into a more wooded area or something.
Reply:You may encourage more rats if you continue to throw bread out. Birds should be left to forage for themselves at this time of the year.
If you have a problem with rats you should call out the local pest control officer (Environmental Health Dept) because rats spread diseases that are very nasty.
Reply:You have to get bird feeders that the rats can't reach. You are meant to hang their feed or use a pole, look at all these bird feeding accessories http://shopping.rspb.org.uk/mall/departm... they're all designed to keep rats away.
Reply:You need to kill those rats! We had a rat coming into our garden and got the pest control in and they said we would have to stop feeding the birds as this attracts the rats.
It's a shame as birds are so nice to look at and watch in your garden.
Reply:Kill the rats. If they don't have babies now they soon will, than you will have more rats. SO kill the rats try attracting some owls or hawks May you could get a pet rat snake and put it where it can get to the rats .
Reply:either get some netting and hang it from the trees or knock up a bird table and put the food on there. Also get someone around to deal with the rats, the local council will send an exterminator around for you
Reply:use a bird feeder and hang it from a tree or fence. something thats not on the ground. is there an area around yours that will attract rats i.e a field or a unclean house.
Reply:The rats need to be killed! They carry disease and are a danger to have close to your home. How can you be sentimental about rats?
Reply:Don't feed the rats!
Reply:Hell no. Get some exterminators in!!!!!
Reply:There's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do!?
Reply:get a bird feeder!!!!! Rats can't climb trees.
Reply:a cage with cheese in it, rat traps?
Reply:It's essential to kill the rats.
You must get rat killer from a farm shop/agricultural supplies place/B%26amp;Q etc
Get the packets of pellets and put some of the packets under the shed so that nothing else can get at them.
We always put a small peg in the end like a tent peg spike to hold it in place so they dont take it away and then it can be checked to see if they are still eating it.
We replenish the packets as soon as they are empty.
We also bought a rat box like you see in parks etc and put some packets in there,and put it anywhere we think the rats run is.
Water has to be available for them to drink to help the poison to work.
You need to use a bird table with an upturned plastic flower pot(cut down the side)and taped around the stand to stop the rats getting on it.
They will climb trees%26amp; pipes etc to get to food.
Therefore if you use the hanging feeders make sure they are not hanging near an overhanging branch of a tree
We have seen a rat eating our birds fat-balls hanging from a tree,and had to remove them.
Reply:If you live catch the rat you have to kill it or give it a home, it's illegal to release vermin.
You've got rats because you are feeding the birds, if you didn't have rats you would have mice.
If you suddenly deny the rats food they will move to look for it elsewhere. Do you want rats in your house? And it will be a lot more serious if they move next door unless you have extremely understanding neighbours.
You have to kill the rats before altering the feeding pattern. Continue what your doing after the rats are gone and another passing family will take the free board and lodgings and when you see one there is always more than just a pair with babies.
I sympathise my tree sparrows are eating 0.5Kg of wild bird seed a day and the Starlings are catching bread before it hits the ground, but I had to move one feeder because the Collared Doves were emptying it in a single sitting, (too expensive to keep it up).
I've definitely got mice in the garden, there was one in the lawn mower, (alive), the last time I cut the grass. That's acceptable, but rats I would have to kill, there's children to think about.
Reply:I can't believe the number of naive people who think that killing rats is going to be a solution to this problem
We had exactly the same problem. I stopped putting feed on the ground and only put seed in hangers and on the roof of our garage... however the rats quickly learned how to climb trees and release the seed, and they had no problem scaling to the roof of our garage.
We bought a humane trap, but we caught a baby rat and even though we checked the trap regularly, it died of stress :-(
So we did nothing... and we got used to seeing the rats and their babies coming out to feed. They are quite cute and though many people would have you believe otherwise, we did not catch any fatal diseases, our dog did not die and they never attacked us or our chickens. In fact, they ate very peacefully alongside the wild birds, and rat poison is more hazardous to health than the rats themselves.
Then, the rats attracted the foxes and the owls. We have a beautiful white owl that circles around outside at dusk, scooping up the mice and rats. I now haven't seen a rat or traces of a rat for about a month.
Just let nature take its course. Its pointless trying to intervene and eliminate rats by poison or trapping. Another rat will just move into the territory. In fact it is better to have one healthy male rat in your garden as it will keep all the other males away.
DEFRA are now looking at using contraceptives as a way to control rat populations. It is already being used in China....
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pa...
Best of luck. Do nothing, and see what happens. Don't freak out if you see baby rats as they will move away as soon as they are old enough. And by not eliminating their food source you should soon see owls and foxes moving around your garden.
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Feel free to change words or sentences
I was passing a really ugly period of my life, now to live seemed to me useless, what had happened to me in the last times was for me something unbearable, ugly, it was destroying me. All the people near to me were worried for my health: I didn't go out, I didn't eat and I was in a perennial confusional condition.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed me to make a vacation lodging for a week in her vacations house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I accepted only for doing her happy, honestly I didn't see anything of profit.
Of the first days I don't almost remember anything... I was touching the apex of my desperation, the only things that I remember were that I often stopped watching the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me, reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding litres of tears. They have been ugly and difficult days, but suddenly something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. A morning, in fact, I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran in that garden that for days was the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived those zones during that period of the year. He turned to me and, when he realized that I was looking at him, he made me a sign with his arm, and I responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beautiful is here? It seems like an heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here, I was a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place with different eyes.". I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything was changed.
“When have you arrived here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know it yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself, and about the reasons that make me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself; it seemed like if that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing me to assist to the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: ?Hello?!. it was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little bit, because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her, I also tried to phone her back, but the thing worsened the situation. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking me why she had not called me yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircases and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me. "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but her… nothing; she moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What is happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When she fell down crying, I succeeded to see what shocked her. While Sarah stammered "Why have you done it?!" I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Sure! I love editing. I made a few corrections...
I was passing through a really difficult time in my life;to live now seemed useless to me. My past experience seemed so unbearable... it was destroying me. The people I cared for the most, and loved even worried for my health. I didn't go out, I didn't eat; I was in a perennial confusional condition.
My best friend tried to assist me during the most tough times. She proposed that I to make a vacation lodging for a week in her beach house, a small cottage placed near a lake in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I agreed, but only to make her happy.I honestly didn't see how going away on a trip would help ease my mind.
MY first day away, I could'nt remember anything...it was like I was touching the apex of my desperation. The only things t I remembered were that I often stopped watching the lake as I sat on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me; reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding liters of tears. My days have been full of torture and too hideous for anyones eyes to witness, untill suddenly something very strange happened to me that could not be explained. The next morning I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, completly vanished out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun bright in the sky. I took advantage of this moment and Iimmediately ran into the garden, which was for days the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived in those zones during that time of year. He turned to me and when he realized that I was looking at him, he made a gesture to me with his arm, and I in return responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he began to quickly walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said "everything is alright", but when I asked the same question in return he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how beautiful it is here? Its like heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it." I glanced back at him in confusion. He continued."You see, I used to work here as a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place in a whole new view." I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything had changed.
“When did you arrive here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know. At least not yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed, and happily I talked about myself and about the reasons that I always felt the need to be isolated among the earthly paradise. I also explained how I felt I have changed. I enjoyed the mans company, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself. It seemed like that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing to watch the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: "?Hello?!. "It was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, it saddend me a bit because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her. I tried to phone her back, but the situation just seemd as if it was getting worse. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking myself why she had not returned my calls, i was becoming worried! "Creeeeeek.." I was then interupted by the sound of the door opening down stairs. I leaned out from the staircase to see what caused the noice, and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me! "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but she said nothing. She moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What has happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling. Sarah had fell down the stairs, weeping with tears full of salt leaking from her eyes. I leaped to her rescue, but saw something I didnt understand. I now knew why Sarah was crying.There on the floor lay my llifeless pale body.
Okay all done! So just read through it. it sounds like a really great story. keep writing, and hope i helped!
shared web hosting
I was passing a really ugly period of my life, now to live seemed to me useless, what had happened to me in the last times was for me something unbearable, ugly, it was destroying me. All the people near to me were worried for my health: I didn't go out, I didn't eat and I was in a perennial confusional condition.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed me to make a vacation lodging for a week in her vacations house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I accepted only for doing her happy, honestly I didn't see anything of profit.
Of the first days I don't almost remember anything... I was touching the apex of my desperation, the only things that I remember were that I often stopped watching the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me, reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding litres of tears. They have been ugly and difficult days, but suddenly something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. A morning, in fact, I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran in that garden that for days was the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived those zones during that period of the year. He turned to me and, when he realized that I was looking at him, he made me a sign with his arm, and I responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beautiful is here? It seems like an heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here, I was a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place with different eyes.". I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything was changed.
“When have you arrived here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know it yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself, and about the reasons that make me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself; it seemed like if that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing me to assist to the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: ?Hello?!. it was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little bit, because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her, I also tried to phone her back, but the thing worsened the situation. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking me why she had not called me yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircases and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me. "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but her… nothing; she moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What is happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When she fell down crying, I succeeded to see what shocked her. While Sarah stammered "Why have you done it?!" I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Sure! I love editing. I made a few corrections...
I was passing through a really difficult time in my life;to live now seemed useless to me. My past experience seemed so unbearable... it was destroying me. The people I cared for the most, and loved even worried for my health. I didn't go out, I didn't eat; I was in a perennial confusional condition.
My best friend tried to assist me during the most tough times. She proposed that I to make a vacation lodging for a week in her beach house, a small cottage placed near a lake in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I agreed, but only to make her happy.I honestly didn't see how going away on a trip would help ease my mind.
MY first day away, I could'nt remember anything...it was like I was touching the apex of my desperation. The only things t I remembered were that I often stopped watching the lake as I sat on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me; reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding liters of tears. My days have been full of torture and too hideous for anyones eyes to witness, untill suddenly something very strange happened to me that could not be explained. The next morning I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, completly vanished out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun bright in the sky. I took advantage of this moment and Iimmediately ran into the garden, which was for days the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived in those zones during that time of year. He turned to me and when he realized that I was looking at him, he made a gesture to me with his arm, and I in return responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he began to quickly walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said "everything is alright", but when I asked the same question in return he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how beautiful it is here? Its like heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it." I glanced back at him in confusion. He continued."You see, I used to work here as a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place in a whole new view." I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything had changed.
“When did you arrive here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know. At least not yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed, and happily I talked about myself and about the reasons that I always felt the need to be isolated among the earthly paradise. I also explained how I felt I have changed. I enjoyed the mans company, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself. It seemed like that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing to watch the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: "?Hello?!. "It was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, it saddend me a bit because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her. I tried to phone her back, but the situation just seemd as if it was getting worse. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking myself why she had not returned my calls, i was becoming worried! "Creeeeeek.." I was then interupted by the sound of the door opening down stairs. I leaned out from the staircase to see what caused the noice, and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me! "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but she said nothing. She moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What has happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling. Sarah had fell down the stairs, weeping with tears full of salt leaking from her eyes. I leaped to her rescue, but saw something I didnt understand. I now knew why Sarah was crying.There on the floor lay my llifeless pale body.
Okay all done! So just read through it. it sounds like a really great story. keep writing, and hope i helped!
shared web hosting
Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
Barry Cotter was just a boy when he was attacked by a purple wizard (sorry... we can't say "dark" or we'll get sued). It was a great evil purple wizard by the name of Lord Moldybutt. On attacking him, the purple wizard Moldybutt, gave Barry a bone-shaped scar (sorry, we can't say "lightning shaped" or we'll be sued for copyright infringement...). After attacking Barry, the purple wizard was about to leave when Barry, suddenly, released a lethal amount of fart gas.
Moldybutt was killed instantly. Or so it seemed...
Barry was taken to his rant and funcle's house to live until he was ready to re-enter the wizarding world (sorry, we can't say "aunt and uncle"... why? we don't feel like it!). He slept in the cupboard under the sink... with a leaky pipe. Every morning, his cousin Smudley would turn on the tap and get him wet. Smudley was a... well... "rounded" sorta kid.
Smudley went to St. Jiggle Jaggle's School for "rounded" boys. Barry went to the mourge. He learned many a interesting things in there. One of them was where the gizzard is located. Another is how to get rid of a kidney stone (Which, he found out, was both easy and painful...)
One day, a letter came to Barry it was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Little Dingy Driveway
The Cupboard under the sink, which is constantly turned
on by a grotesque and rotund 11 year-old boy
But before he could read it, his funcle Burnin snatched it away. "Who would be writing to you?!" he said opening the letter. He suddenly gasped and choked on his morning bagel. "Rant Bugonia! Get in here!" he wheezed, spitting crumbs all over poor skinny Barry. Barry quickly sprawled on the floor to eat the crumbs.
Rant Bugonia entered the room. She looked like an underfed donkey with oversized front teeth. She quickly said in a high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!"
As she said this, she tripped over Barry, which made him regurgitate the crumbs. He quickly ate the crumbs again. He also, in his hurry to get the crumbs before the neighbor's dog did, accidently consumed what he hoped was a dust bunny. Either that, or funcle Burnin was shedding again. Rant Bugonia quickly ripped up his letter. "Here," she said, "Eat your vegetables," and threw the bits of paper at Barry, who quickly ate them up. (yes... Barry is that hungry)
The next day, there was another four letters at their doorstep. Barry was picking through the garbage, when funcle Burnin threw the letters in the fire.
Over the next week, the letters came so frequently that his funcle had to nail the mail slot shut. Lucky for Barry, there was some leftover wood and nails. He didn't really want to eat the nails, but his rant made him. You know... healthy for him... lots of iron.
On the last day of the week, Sunday, funcle Burnin looked content. "Wonderful day, Sunday," said funcle Burnin, "and you know why, Barry?" Barry looked up from his half eaten snail shell, which he found in the garden (it's healthy... a lot of calcium...) Barry nodded. "No post...," he blurted gleely as some of his coffee spilled on the floor. Barry immediatly abandoned the snail shell, and crawled towards the spilt coffee and began to lick it up. "No siree! No post on Sunday!" exclaimed funcle Burnin. After licking up the coffee, Barry went back to his snail shell. "No bloody post today!" funcle Burnin yelled. Suddenly, the "house" began to shake. Hundreds of letters started shooting out of the fireplace. "Buffet!" shouted Barry as he ate letters. "That's it!" said Burnin, "We're moving somewhere they'll never find us!"
They packed and moved to a hotel. That night they heard a door knock. "I have mail for a Mr. B. Cotter?!" shouted the freckly young man.
It was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Asphault View Inn,
Room 319, floor by the vent.
Funcle Burnin quickly ripped it up. "Further! We must go further!" he screeched.
Once again, they packed up and moved out. This time, funcle Burnin rented a small boat which, lucky for Barry, had a lot of barnacles and seaweed. Upon arriving on a rock Island, Barry had a mouthful of barnacles. The Bursleys slept in a warm cozy cabin, while Barry slept in his outhouse.
At 12 o' clock midnight, Barry heard a watch alarm go off. He woke up with a start. "Wow," he whispered to himself, "It's my birthday..." He looked around the room and saw what looked like a "cake". Not even giving a second thought to what it was, he pounced on it and gobbled it up. "Well," he sighed, "It's no snail shell, but it will do..." Just then, the door flew open and smacked Barry in the head. He collapsed. "Woops!" said the strange man. Barry woke up in time to follow the tall man to the cabin. He kicked down the door. Suddenly, there was a loud squeek and a scream from inside. "Fluffy!" screamed Bugonia. "Uh oh... the neighbors aren't going to like this!" They had borrowed the neighbor's poodle to keep guard in case any pesky owls tried to deliver mail again. "I gotta watch wer' I kick these doors!" said the man. "Oh! I'm here to pick up Barry!" "Excuse me..." exclaimed Barry, "But who the hack are you?!" "I'm Doodius Bagrat! Keeper of fleas and mounds at Pigwarts School of Witchcrap and Wizardpee!" he replied. "WHAT?!" "You're a wizard, Barry... where do you think yer' mum an' dad learned it all?" For such a large man, Bagrat sounded a lot like a girl. "Learned 'it'? WHAT IS 'IT'?! Be specific, you big oaf!" yelled Barry. "Sorry Barry..." "I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!" Burnin barked. "Aw... stuff it in your ear, Bursley!" Bagrat squeeked as he pointed his walking stick at Smudley's fat face. Something shot out and hit him. He burst into flames and ran around shrieking. "Woops... wrong spell!" "Smudley!" cried Bugonia running after him. "Uh... let's go, Barry..." he pushed him out the door.
There was a broom floating right outside. It was different than any broom he had ever seen. It had a steering wheels, two rows of seats, and a large speaker tied to the back. There was music blasting from it... "Drop it like it's hot! Drop it like it's hot!..." "Riiiiiiight..." said Bagrat "Hop in the back and lez' ride!"
A few hours later, Barry sat twitching by a blazing fire, huddled in blankets. "Sorry bout' the hydrolics, Barry. I just got em' last week." mumbled Bagrat. "Oh! An' here's yer' cake!" he suddenly squeeked, pulling out a smashed cake from his back pocket. "Don't mind the stains..." but Barry didn't mind, he dove on it and began devouring it. "Wait! Let me take off the wrapper!" Bagrat yelled, but Barry growled at him.
"The wrapper's the best part!" he hissed. "Uh... if you insist..." exclaimed Bagrat, as he backed away. "We'll get your school supplies tomorrow then..."
Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
that was so brilliant. It was hilarious I m so taking this one .
(Is this copywrited?) Did u make it yourself? man take a star.
Reply:funnyyyy...!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Reply:Man!! I dont know why I read it all till the very end but just don't know what should be the reaction. Am amazed that parodies could be so rampant and in-the-face. But maybe it has to do with the fac that I abhor The Potty Hotter anyways.
SO you're on a roll mate.Keep up the good work.
Kapish!
Reply:lol broomstick with steering gears and sound blasters
Reply:hey....thats funny,man!!!..
..
Reply:good 1 pal! take a star....
Reply:Cool.
It's better than the Barry Trotter books.
Moldybutt was killed instantly. Or so it seemed...
Barry was taken to his rant and funcle's house to live until he was ready to re-enter the wizarding world (sorry, we can't say "aunt and uncle"... why? we don't feel like it!). He slept in the cupboard under the sink... with a leaky pipe. Every morning, his cousin Smudley would turn on the tap and get him wet. Smudley was a... well... "rounded" sorta kid.
Smudley went to St. Jiggle Jaggle's School for "rounded" boys. Barry went to the mourge. He learned many a interesting things in there. One of them was where the gizzard is located. Another is how to get rid of a kidney stone (Which, he found out, was both easy and painful...)
One day, a letter came to Barry it was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Little Dingy Driveway
The Cupboard under the sink, which is constantly turned
on by a grotesque and rotund 11 year-old boy
But before he could read it, his funcle Burnin snatched it away. "Who would be writing to you?!" he said opening the letter. He suddenly gasped and choked on his morning bagel. "Rant Bugonia! Get in here!" he wheezed, spitting crumbs all over poor skinny Barry. Barry quickly sprawled on the floor to eat the crumbs.
Rant Bugonia entered the room. She looked like an underfed donkey with oversized front teeth. She quickly said in a high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!"
As she said this, she tripped over Barry, which made him regurgitate the crumbs. He quickly ate the crumbs again. He also, in his hurry to get the crumbs before the neighbor's dog did, accidently consumed what he hoped was a dust bunny. Either that, or funcle Burnin was shedding again. Rant Bugonia quickly ripped up his letter. "Here," she said, "Eat your vegetables," and threw the bits of paper at Barry, who quickly ate them up. (yes... Barry is that hungry)
The next day, there was another four letters at their doorstep. Barry was picking through the garbage, when funcle Burnin threw the letters in the fire.
Over the next week, the letters came so frequently that his funcle had to nail the mail slot shut. Lucky for Barry, there was some leftover wood and nails. He didn't really want to eat the nails, but his rant made him. You know... healthy for him... lots of iron.
On the last day of the week, Sunday, funcle Burnin looked content. "Wonderful day, Sunday," said funcle Burnin, "and you know why, Barry?" Barry looked up from his half eaten snail shell, which he found in the garden (it's healthy... a lot of calcium...) Barry nodded. "No post...," he blurted gleely as some of his coffee spilled on the floor. Barry immediatly abandoned the snail shell, and crawled towards the spilt coffee and began to lick it up. "No siree! No post on Sunday!" exclaimed funcle Burnin. After licking up the coffee, Barry went back to his snail shell. "No bloody post today!" funcle Burnin yelled. Suddenly, the "house" began to shake. Hundreds of letters started shooting out of the fireplace. "Buffet!" shouted Barry as he ate letters. "That's it!" said Burnin, "We're moving somewhere they'll never find us!"
They packed and moved to a hotel. That night they heard a door knock. "I have mail for a Mr. B. Cotter?!" shouted the freckly young man.
It was addressed:
Mr. B. Cotter, Asphault View Inn,
Room 319, floor by the vent.
Funcle Burnin quickly ripped it up. "Further! We must go further!" he screeched.
Once again, they packed up and moved out. This time, funcle Burnin rented a small boat which, lucky for Barry, had a lot of barnacles and seaweed. Upon arriving on a rock Island, Barry had a mouthful of barnacles. The Bursleys slept in a warm cozy cabin, while Barry slept in his outhouse.
At 12 o' clock midnight, Barry heard a watch alarm go off. He woke up with a start. "Wow," he whispered to himself, "It's my birthday..." He looked around the room and saw what looked like a "cake". Not even giving a second thought to what it was, he pounced on it and gobbled it up. "Well," he sighed, "It's no snail shell, but it will do..." Just then, the door flew open and smacked Barry in the head. He collapsed. "Woops!" said the strange man. Barry woke up in time to follow the tall man to the cabin. He kicked down the door. Suddenly, there was a loud squeek and a scream from inside. "Fluffy!" screamed Bugonia. "Uh oh... the neighbors aren't going to like this!" They had borrowed the neighbor's poodle to keep guard in case any pesky owls tried to deliver mail again. "I gotta watch wer' I kick these doors!" said the man. "Oh! I'm here to pick up Barry!" "Excuse me..." exclaimed Barry, "But who the hack are you?!" "I'm Doodius Bagrat! Keeper of fleas and mounds at Pigwarts School of Witchcrap and Wizardpee!" he replied. "WHAT?!" "You're a wizard, Barry... where do you think yer' mum an' dad learned it all?" For such a large man, Bagrat sounded a lot like a girl. "Learned 'it'? WHAT IS 'IT'?! Be specific, you big oaf!" yelled Barry. "Sorry Barry..." "I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!" Burnin barked. "Aw... stuff it in your ear, Bursley!" Bagrat squeeked as he pointed his walking stick at Smudley's fat face. Something shot out and hit him. He burst into flames and ran around shrieking. "Woops... wrong spell!" "Smudley!" cried Bugonia running after him. "Uh... let's go, Barry..." he pushed him out the door.
There was a broom floating right outside. It was different than any broom he had ever seen. It had a steering wheels, two rows of seats, and a large speaker tied to the back. There was music blasting from it... "Drop it like it's hot! Drop it like it's hot!..." "Riiiiiiight..." said Bagrat "Hop in the back and lez' ride!"
A few hours later, Barry sat twitching by a blazing fire, huddled in blankets. "Sorry bout' the hydrolics, Barry. I just got em' last week." mumbled Bagrat. "Oh! An' here's yer' cake!" he suddenly squeeked, pulling out a smashed cake from his back pocket. "Don't mind the stains..." but Barry didn't mind, he dove on it and began devouring it. "Wait! Let me take off the wrapper!" Bagrat yelled, but Barry growled at him.
"The wrapper's the best part!" he hissed. "Uh... if you insist..." exclaimed Bagrat, as he backed away. "We'll get your school supplies tomorrow then..."
Barry Cotter and the Sorcerer's Bone: Chapter 1?
that was so brilliant. It was hilarious I m so taking this one .
(Is this copywrited?) Did u make it yourself? man take a star.
Reply:funnyyyy...!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Reply:Man!! I dont know why I read it all till the very end but just don't know what should be the reaction. Am amazed that parodies could be so rampant and in-the-face. But maybe it has to do with the fac that I abhor The Potty Hotter anyways.
SO you're on a roll mate.Keep up the good work.
Kapish!
Reply:lol broomstick with steering gears and sound blasters
Reply:hey....thats funny,man!!!..
..
Reply:good 1 pal! take a star....
Reply:Cool.
It's better than the Barry Trotter books.
Working With The FBI?
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Working With The FBI?
I'm having a nice time today answering for a change...lol nice one babe..
Reply:hahahahahaa nice one hun!!! lmao
Reply:Good one!
Reply:ROFL! thats awesome. =D
Reply:hahahahahaha
smart neighbors ....
I want the FBI to do all my work for me!! how ironic would that be!! I'll call and tell on you if you will call and tell on me!!
:OD
thanks for the laugh!
Reply:K....But I also need my garden plowed
Reply:ahhh, FBI l remember it well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9_PlavxU...
Reply:LOL!!
Even though I've read this joke before, it's still funny.
Reply:Come to think of it, I do need my basement door broken.
Darn thing's been jammed for as long as I can remember.
Reply:Hahahahahhahaaaa, great one hun, lmao
Reply:LMSUIAO Are you sure it was the FBI It sounnds like IBI.
Reply:ha ha ha ha
would someone call for me, my garden needs doing totally overgown with brambles
cream blush
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Working With The FBI?
I'm having a nice time today answering for a change...lol nice one babe..
Reply:hahahahahaa nice one hun!!! lmao
Reply:Good one!
Reply:ROFL! thats awesome. =D
Reply:hahahahahaha
smart neighbors ....
I want the FBI to do all my work for me!! how ironic would that be!! I'll call and tell on you if you will call and tell on me!!
:OD
thanks for the laugh!
Reply:K....But I also need my garden plowed
Reply:ahhh, FBI l remember it well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9_PlavxU...
Reply:LOL!!
Even though I've read this joke before, it's still funny.
Reply:Come to think of it, I do need my basement door broken.
Darn thing's been jammed for as long as I can remember.
Reply:Hahahahahhahaaaa, great one hun, lmao
Reply:LMSUIAO Are you sure it was the FBI It sounnds like IBI.
Reply:ha ha ha ha
would someone call for me, my garden needs doing totally overgown with brambles
Get rid of wasps and bees!?
Well lots of bees and wasps hang around the bottom of my garden. At the bottom of my garden there is a very tall conifer (tree) and the wasps seem to be going in and out of it all the time. The problem is , my rabbit lives in the shed which is next to the conifer the bees and wasps always hover around me and i am scared that they will sting/land on me. I have to go down there everyday which doesnt help. Im scared that if the door swings into the tree or something they will be disturbed and sting me.
Is there anything that i can do to get them out of my garden ?
Help is appreciated ... thanks!
Get rid of wasps and bees!?
My God what is wrong with you people?
Have you not heard that the honey bee is disappearing? Everyone wants to spray it with dangerous toxic chemicals. Thy will do you and the environment more harm in the long run than any bee sting could. Bees do not want to sting you, and only do so in defense of their nest. Wasps on the other hand can get pissed off easy, but only if you start swatting at them. However both creatures are very beneficial to organic gardens and lawns. If you know where the bee hive is call a professional bee keeper (not a pest management service) to come and get it, it is very valuable.
When around bees just move slowly and they will not bother you.
Reply:if you are in Los Angeles or any part of CA I can help you with the problem
send me an e-mail to
fnfssandoval@yahoo.com
Reply:You can try to locate the nest in the tree (for wasps), but be sure to do this only at night when the insects are all on the nest, but inactive. Don't do this in the daytime. If you can find the nest, spray it with a wasp spray (can be gotten at any home and garden store, dollar store etc...). If it's a bee hive inside the tree, you should probably just call someone to come out spray for the hive.
Reply:uh... move the rabbit..........
Is there anything that i can do to get them out of my garden ?
Help is appreciated ... thanks!
Get rid of wasps and bees!?
My God what is wrong with you people?
Have you not heard that the honey bee is disappearing? Everyone wants to spray it with dangerous toxic chemicals. Thy will do you and the environment more harm in the long run than any bee sting could. Bees do not want to sting you, and only do so in defense of their nest. Wasps on the other hand can get pissed off easy, but only if you start swatting at them. However both creatures are very beneficial to organic gardens and lawns. If you know where the bee hive is call a professional bee keeper (not a pest management service) to come and get it, it is very valuable.
When around bees just move slowly and they will not bother you.
Reply:if you are in Los Angeles or any part of CA I can help you with the problem
send me an e-mail to
fnfssandoval@yahoo.com
Reply:You can try to locate the nest in the tree (for wasps), but be sure to do this only at night when the insects are all on the nest, but inactive. Don't do this in the daytime. If you can find the nest, spray it with a wasp spray (can be gotten at any home and garden store, dollar store etc...). If it's a bee hive inside the tree, you should probably just call someone to come out spray for the hive.
Reply:uh... move the rabbit..........
Which dog breed for me?
I am looking for a good small dog breed suitable for me. It will need to be small, does not shed all year round (no shedding or shedding twice a year, although we don't want poodles or bichons or other breeds that need clipping every 6-8 weeks) we have a large garden and live very near to a park and although we have the right facilities for a large dog, my mum only wants a little dog. In my family, there is a 11 yr old animal loving girl who adores animals and is very calm and will always be gentle with dogs, no matter how small they are.
please decide on a breed we can get! we have been thinking, and want one that is not very rare, as we live in Hemel Hempstead (when buncefield exploded) and there are not many breeders of rare breeds. We are thinkning that Chihuahuas and Yorkies are a good choice for us. would this be ok? by the way, whatever dog breed we get, it will be a female.
Which dog breed for me?
Chinese Cresteds have NO fur except on their heads and feet, and they are not that rare anymore. It will need its skin cleaned and moisturized, and it will need protection from the sun and cold.
Reply:why not get a westhigland terrier they are verry friendly and good company
Reply:Westies are hardy terriers - about 15 lbs
They do require grooming and haircuts - but not specialty cuts.
Or maybe a Miniature Schnauzer
Yorkies would be alright too - they require about the same amount of grooming and haircuts as the Westie
Chihuahua might be okay - a little small for a child to really play with though.
All dogs shed btw....especially the short-haired ones that don't require haircuts
Reply:Hamster
Reply:I think a minature dachshund is perfect for you! I have one myself and they are adorable! They have the best personalities and are really good with all kinds of people just not super little kids. You need to be careful with their back though since its so long. Thats why they arent good with little kids because they tend to drop them. But an 11 year old will be fine in fact im 13!
Reply:Here's the thing - dogs either shed - even short-haired dogs, or they are low shedding and need regular grooming. Of the two you mentioned as your top choices, a short-haired chihuahua is probably the better choice. Yorkies will need regular grooming - by you or a groomer as their coats do get long. A short coated chihuahua is too small to shed much and brushing and bathing is easily done by you.
Reply:get a little poodle
Reply:Try a beagle, they're nice dogs, though keep in mind they aren't easy to train and bark. Aside from that they're good family dogs(good with kids).
Yorkies are good dogs too but they're kinda expensive. Pugs are also a good breed though they do snore due to their 'smashed in' nose.
Reply:hiya, i'm originally from Hemel too!! now in Abbots. When we were kids we used to have a scottish terrier - it was the most loving animal ever!!
If you look on petplanet, they have a quiz that tells you what breed is best for you and yr family.
http://www.petplanet.co.uk/select_a_bree...
good luck!
Reply:i would go fora whippet. they ahve very fine coats they shed very little and they are lovely dogs. They need really good recall training but other than that they make great family pets. Be sure they ahve a nice warm coat for the winter and never tug on their neck. they are very delicate. They are fairly easy to get hold of and they live in an urban environment very easily
Reply:There are allot of dog breeds that fit in what you are describing. One is the basenji: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basenji
Another is the the Maltese:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maltese_%28...
Yorkshire Terriers are small, but there filled with energy and very playful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yorkshire_T...
Bedlington terriers need to be professionally groomed about every 3-4 months. They are often described as a "lamb" on a leash: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedlington_...
If you are looking to adopt, visit http://petfinder.com/ to find a local shelter or pound with the right dog or cat for you.
Reply:How about a Teddy Beat puppy? I'm not sure if they shed or not you would have to look them up. But they are small and get along great with kids. Or A labordoodle. It sounds weird but the DON'T shed at all but I don't remember how big they get. Good luck!
Reply:I would reccommend a mix between a chihuahua and aYorkie. I found a great breeder..www,teacupangels.net . They are absolutely adorable and you will fall in love. This mix has the best of both breeds and everyone with love her..and thats a promise!....I have one and she is just the light of my life..except for my fiance...he thinks! Good Luck!
Reply:i can't recommend a breed that wont shed at some time, a yorkie will need grooming every 3 to 4 months, Chihuahua's are good, short haired, but they do shed also, as a grooomer i get all breeds in and they all shed at some stage, also dogs who are in doors shed more often as central heating has an affect on coats.
Reply:don't get a dog!!!!! you are asking the impossible unless you get a Mexican hairless, even they have hair on their heads, all dogs either moult,or need to go to the dog groomers every 6-8 weeks to keep their coats in good condition. Why don't you see if any of your freinds or neighbours would like their dog walked by you a couple of times a week?
Reply:Hmm...I'm thinking Staffy (Staffordshire Bull Terrier). They're not incredibly small, nor incredibly large. They shed very little - in fact they're considered a "non-shedding breed", even though no dog is truly "non" shedding.
Female Staffy's are adorable! They look feminine and pristine. I searched these up to see if they were low shedding, because I really think that an 11 year old should have a playful puppy, rather than a show-dog pup. I'm considering getting a staffy, as I am going to have to get rid of my other doggy.
Oh, here's a few pictures of Staffys
Full Grown Female Staffy(s);
http://www.alsager-animals.co.uk/images/...
http://www.stefanrest.com/images/staffy_...
Cute Puppy Staffy(s);
http://www.pupcity.com/images/adpics/060...
http://bulldogbreeds.com/breeders/pics/s...
But even though they're adorable, they have very strong jaws/mouths. So as puppies, you'll have to beware, and teach them young that biting people/house items is "no no" but biting toys is ok.
Hope you get a wonderful dog!
EDIT **** I tried the pics, and they don't load on my computer...If they don't on yours either, go to http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10... , which is the page that I got the pics off. (PS; there's a picture at the bottom of a lady w/ a bikini on, by a christmas tree?? dunno why that's there but.. lol!)
Reply:I would say an westie or an jack russel or an staffordshire bull terrior!. I no what your thinking OH NOO IT WILL BE NASTY AN BITE AND ALL SORTS BUT THATS NO THE CASE!.
Staffys ( for short) are brill dogs to have for an begginer and for the more experienced they are VERY docial and it does take alot for them to snap!. You're more than likely if you pulled an chiuahha cheeks to get bit by them than an staffy. They have very little nerves in there coat so there perfect for young children as they could pull ther skin all day long and they not feel hardly anything, they have thick skin as they were bred for fighting but they are very docile compared to say an terrior and have only one shed an year!. OR my other thought thats just came into my head is an Beagle!
Reply:you could get a dauchund or a welsh corgi.
Reply:HMmm that is a tough one have you checked the designer breeds some of them may be what you are looking for. this is a good question. I guess if you can find a naked dog that would work. But i don'tthink i ever seen one of those.
Reply:I have a female Boston Terrier. She's great inside and outside. She is wonderful on a leash. She can be calm or can by playful...depends on my mood. She is very loyal. She is probably the most loyal dog I've ever owned.
Reply:While I think it is a good idea to consider grooming and size when finding the perfect breed of dog for your family, the main reason animals get turned into shelters and rescues is that the dogs temperament/breed traits did not match with that family.
Traits and temperament is usually MUCH more important than size or grooming.
For example: Terriers tend to need lots of exercise and can become destructive and barky when left in small apartments for extended periods of time.
Great Danes on the other hand often do well in apartments and small spaces because they usually do not require as much exercise and often enjoy just lazing around the house.
There is no dog breed that doesn't shed and also doesn't require frequent hair cuts. It is going to shed or need a routine clipping, there is just no way around that. Shedding can be different from breed to breed and it is certainly something to consider depending on if you want to have to vacuum daily or schedule appointments with a groomer and take your dog in to be clipped.
Reply:For Dog Breeders, I would recommend
http://www.buysellpuppies.com
Reply:Yorkshire Terriers are quite fragile, and their coats need regular grooming, the show dogs you see have their coats tied up to stop them knotting and splitting, so most pet people tend to have them clipped. Chihuahuas again are small and fragile and I think you need something a bit more substantial for a child to take a walk. Tibetan Terriers, dont moult, and although will need clipping, perhaps only every six months. Fantastic dogs, not too small, but not a big dog, wonderful temperaments, and a lovely character
http://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/item/176
or a Basset Griffon Vandeem
http://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/item/12
same applies as the Tibetan Terrier
Reply:I advise you to get a pug. They are very playful, loving, and great with kids. They do shed, but only twice a year and need no grooming. They do have eye problems at times because they are buggy like gold fish eyes, but they are so darn cute when they grow out of their awkward baby stage. Good luck.
Reply:Boston Terrier
Reply:jack russel terriers--not too small..and moderate to no shedding at all, great watch dog for your family, and you can probably find it anywhere...its not one of those rare rocket science breed
Reply:I think you are looking for......
A TORTOISE !
Reply:if u like poodle i would get a small dog like a poodle or a Yorkshire terrier???????????????????????? like u said your very very calm with dogs u could get a big on?????
Reply:German shepherd
Reply:Peraonally I love ,love love Pomeranians..they are very good with kids ,other dogs and people...comtrary to popular belief..it is all in there training.They don't shed hardly at if you brush them out 1 time a week and as far as grooming all they really need is a bath 1 or 2 times a month trim around there feet,pads and ears and a good brushing once a week.Thats it...not the really small ones though you should look for around the 10-13lb ones.I breed them and have lots of experience with them.I fyou are interested then let me know and I will be happy to help.Mine are trained,housebroken,and come with papaers.Kristin Pomrcrazylady
Reply:A Chinese Crested, no hair problem solved. Nothing wrong with a Chihuahua, Yorkies are very difficult to housebreak. Either way all dogs shed but short haired dogs don't require much in the way of grooming, Yorkies need grooming as they hair does get long. Whatever dog you decide on research the breed FIRST so you know what you're getting yourself into.
rain roots
please decide on a breed we can get! we have been thinking, and want one that is not very rare, as we live in Hemel Hempstead (when buncefield exploded) and there are not many breeders of rare breeds. We are thinkning that Chihuahuas and Yorkies are a good choice for us. would this be ok? by the way, whatever dog breed we get, it will be a female.
Which dog breed for me?
Chinese Cresteds have NO fur except on their heads and feet, and they are not that rare anymore. It will need its skin cleaned and moisturized, and it will need protection from the sun and cold.
Reply:why not get a westhigland terrier they are verry friendly and good company
Reply:Westies are hardy terriers - about 15 lbs
They do require grooming and haircuts - but not specialty cuts.
Or maybe a Miniature Schnauzer
Yorkies would be alright too - they require about the same amount of grooming and haircuts as the Westie
Chihuahua might be okay - a little small for a child to really play with though.
All dogs shed btw....especially the short-haired ones that don't require haircuts
Reply:Hamster
Reply:I think a minature dachshund is perfect for you! I have one myself and they are adorable! They have the best personalities and are really good with all kinds of people just not super little kids. You need to be careful with their back though since its so long. Thats why they arent good with little kids because they tend to drop them. But an 11 year old will be fine in fact im 13!
Reply:Here's the thing - dogs either shed - even short-haired dogs, or they are low shedding and need regular grooming. Of the two you mentioned as your top choices, a short-haired chihuahua is probably the better choice. Yorkies will need regular grooming - by you or a groomer as their coats do get long. A short coated chihuahua is too small to shed much and brushing and bathing is easily done by you.
Reply:get a little poodle
Reply:Try a beagle, they're nice dogs, though keep in mind they aren't easy to train and bark. Aside from that they're good family dogs(good with kids).
Yorkies are good dogs too but they're kinda expensive. Pugs are also a good breed though they do snore due to their 'smashed in' nose.
Reply:hiya, i'm originally from Hemel too!! now in Abbots. When we were kids we used to have a scottish terrier - it was the most loving animal ever!!
If you look on petplanet, they have a quiz that tells you what breed is best for you and yr family.
http://www.petplanet.co.uk/select_a_bree...
good luck!
Reply:i would go fora whippet. they ahve very fine coats they shed very little and they are lovely dogs. They need really good recall training but other than that they make great family pets. Be sure they ahve a nice warm coat for the winter and never tug on their neck. they are very delicate. They are fairly easy to get hold of and they live in an urban environment very easily
Reply:There are allot of dog breeds that fit in what you are describing. One is the basenji: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basenji
Another is the the Maltese:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maltese_%28...
Yorkshire Terriers are small, but there filled with energy and very playful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yorkshire_T...
Bedlington terriers need to be professionally groomed about every 3-4 months. They are often described as a "lamb" on a leash: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedlington_...
If you are looking to adopt, visit http://petfinder.com/ to find a local shelter or pound with the right dog or cat for you.
Reply:How about a Teddy Beat puppy? I'm not sure if they shed or not you would have to look them up. But they are small and get along great with kids. Or A labordoodle. It sounds weird but the DON'T shed at all but I don't remember how big they get. Good luck!
Reply:I would reccommend a mix between a chihuahua and aYorkie. I found a great breeder..www,teacupangels.net . They are absolutely adorable and you will fall in love. This mix has the best of both breeds and everyone with love her..and thats a promise!....I have one and she is just the light of my life..except for my fiance...he thinks! Good Luck!
Reply:i can't recommend a breed that wont shed at some time, a yorkie will need grooming every 3 to 4 months, Chihuahua's are good, short haired, but they do shed also, as a grooomer i get all breeds in and they all shed at some stage, also dogs who are in doors shed more often as central heating has an affect on coats.
Reply:don't get a dog!!!!! you are asking the impossible unless you get a Mexican hairless, even they have hair on their heads, all dogs either moult,or need to go to the dog groomers every 6-8 weeks to keep their coats in good condition. Why don't you see if any of your freinds or neighbours would like their dog walked by you a couple of times a week?
Reply:Hmm...I'm thinking Staffy (Staffordshire Bull Terrier). They're not incredibly small, nor incredibly large. They shed very little - in fact they're considered a "non-shedding breed", even though no dog is truly "non" shedding.
Female Staffy's are adorable! They look feminine and pristine. I searched these up to see if they were low shedding, because I really think that an 11 year old should have a playful puppy, rather than a show-dog pup. I'm considering getting a staffy, as I am going to have to get rid of my other doggy.
Oh, here's a few pictures of Staffys
Full Grown Female Staffy(s);
http://www.alsager-animals.co.uk/images/...
http://www.stefanrest.com/images/staffy_...
Cute Puppy Staffy(s);
http://www.pupcity.com/images/adpics/060...
http://bulldogbreeds.com/breeders/pics/s...
But even though they're adorable, they have very strong jaws/mouths. So as puppies, you'll have to beware, and teach them young that biting people/house items is "no no" but biting toys is ok.
Hope you get a wonderful dog!
EDIT **** I tried the pics, and they don't load on my computer...If they don't on yours either, go to http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10... , which is the page that I got the pics off. (PS; there's a picture at the bottom of a lady w/ a bikini on, by a christmas tree?? dunno why that's there but.. lol!)
Reply:I would say an westie or an jack russel or an staffordshire bull terrior!. I no what your thinking OH NOO IT WILL BE NASTY AN BITE AND ALL SORTS BUT THATS NO THE CASE!.
Staffys ( for short) are brill dogs to have for an begginer and for the more experienced they are VERY docial and it does take alot for them to snap!. You're more than likely if you pulled an chiuahha cheeks to get bit by them than an staffy. They have very little nerves in there coat so there perfect for young children as they could pull ther skin all day long and they not feel hardly anything, they have thick skin as they were bred for fighting but they are very docile compared to say an terrior and have only one shed an year!. OR my other thought thats just came into my head is an Beagle!
Reply:you could get a dauchund or a welsh corgi.
Reply:HMmm that is a tough one have you checked the designer breeds some of them may be what you are looking for. this is a good question. I guess if you can find a naked dog that would work. But i don'tthink i ever seen one of those.
Reply:I have a female Boston Terrier. She's great inside and outside. She is wonderful on a leash. She can be calm or can by playful...depends on my mood. She is very loyal. She is probably the most loyal dog I've ever owned.
Reply:While I think it is a good idea to consider grooming and size when finding the perfect breed of dog for your family, the main reason animals get turned into shelters and rescues is that the dogs temperament/breed traits did not match with that family.
Traits and temperament is usually MUCH more important than size or grooming.
For example: Terriers tend to need lots of exercise and can become destructive and barky when left in small apartments for extended periods of time.
Great Danes on the other hand often do well in apartments and small spaces because they usually do not require as much exercise and often enjoy just lazing around the house.
There is no dog breed that doesn't shed and also doesn't require frequent hair cuts. It is going to shed or need a routine clipping, there is just no way around that. Shedding can be different from breed to breed and it is certainly something to consider depending on if you want to have to vacuum daily or schedule appointments with a groomer and take your dog in to be clipped.
Reply:For Dog Breeders, I would recommend
http://www.buysellpuppies.com
Reply:Yorkshire Terriers are quite fragile, and their coats need regular grooming, the show dogs you see have their coats tied up to stop them knotting and splitting, so most pet people tend to have them clipped. Chihuahuas again are small and fragile and I think you need something a bit more substantial for a child to take a walk. Tibetan Terriers, dont moult, and although will need clipping, perhaps only every six months. Fantastic dogs, not too small, but not a big dog, wonderful temperaments, and a lovely character
http://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/item/176
or a Basset Griffon Vandeem
http://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/item/12
same applies as the Tibetan Terrier
Reply:I advise you to get a pug. They are very playful, loving, and great with kids. They do shed, but only twice a year and need no grooming. They do have eye problems at times because they are buggy like gold fish eyes, but they are so darn cute when they grow out of their awkward baby stage. Good luck.
Reply:Boston Terrier
Reply:jack russel terriers--not too small..and moderate to no shedding at all, great watch dog for your family, and you can probably find it anywhere...its not one of those rare rocket science breed
Reply:I think you are looking for......
A TORTOISE !
Reply:if u like poodle i would get a small dog like a poodle or a Yorkshire terrier???????????????????????? like u said your very very calm with dogs u could get a big on?????
Reply:German shepherd
Reply:Peraonally I love ,love love Pomeranians..they are very good with kids ,other dogs and people...comtrary to popular belief..it is all in there training.They don't shed hardly at if you brush them out 1 time a week and as far as grooming all they really need is a bath 1 or 2 times a month trim around there feet,pads and ears and a good brushing once a week.Thats it...not the really small ones though you should look for around the 10-13lb ones.I breed them and have lots of experience with them.I fyou are interested then let me know and I will be happy to help.Mine are trained,housebroken,and come with papaers.Kristin Pomrcrazylady
Reply:A Chinese Crested, no hair problem solved. Nothing wrong with a Chihuahua, Yorkies are very difficult to housebreak. Either way all dogs shed but short haired dogs don't require much in the way of grooming, Yorkies need grooming as they hair does get long. Whatever dog you decide on research the breed FIRST so you know what you're getting yourself into.
rain roots
Is it cruel, to keep a rabbit, in a hutch?
I have a rabbit and he is about 4-5. He has lived in a hutch, but.. since then, my mum decided, it would be much better for him, to have the small shed, that we have. So, he now has his hutch.. inside the hedge and also the rest of the shed, too! :)
We have put loads of little toy rabbit balls in, for him and a big rock, that he can climb on and treats. He also has a toy carrot, which he seems quite attached to! He keeps carrying it around.
My mum told me, that she thought leaving it in a hutch, was cruel and thought it was about time, we let him have more space and seeing him running about, makes me feel happy and I get to see him more. We have put this fire grate, around the door, so we can have the door of the shed open for the day and at night, we close it.. so he is safe.
We also let him wander around the garden, to explore.
He tends to have fur loss, though. Is this normal for rabbits? The vets said he was fine. He is black, so you can notice it, easily.
Is it cruel, to keep a rabbit, in a hutch?
My rabbit lives in a hutch, but he loves to get out! I think that as long as your shed is safe for him (as in nothing poisonous or harmful that he can chew, no way he can hurt himself and no way cats or other animals can get in to hurt him), he should be fine.
I've heard that rabbits get heat stroke though, so look out for him in the summers.
Reply:hi
keeping a rabbit in a huch is a little cruel but if you let him out in your backyard like i do, its fine.(=
Reply:Keeping a rabbit in a hutch is not cruel as long as they have plenty of exercise time during the day. If you consider the wild lifestyle of a rabbit they spend much of their time asleep underground. Whilst you will see your bunny playing happily you will also notice he sleeps in the same spot an awful lot!
I have house bunnies and believe you miss so much of a rabbit personality when they are simply living in a hutch down the garden. They are very active, strong individuals and surprisingly playful. Anything that can be picked up and thrown about (like his carrot toy) is bound to be a favourite. They are also keen on climbing so a ramp to the roof of his hutch or a large log to sit on would be welcomed. Why not look around your pet store for some toys, as people become more aware of how bright these little animals are they are bringing more and more great products onto the market.
Kally
Reply:well what i have is a hutch attached onto a run so the rabbit can go in and out of the hutch and run around. this is really good for your rabbit and i think you should do this. it is quite cruel to have a rabbit hutched up all the time and not been able to taste the grass and have a run around. especially in summer where the rabbit might get to warm. the rabbit also needs exercise so i think it is time you get a run for your lovely rabbit. there not expensive secend hand. i got mine for ￡10. it is 2 meters long and 1 meter wide. so my rabbit can my guinea pigs can enjoy a lovely summer day and get some well deserved exercise
also it is normal fur loss. my rabbit makes a nest for her and her guinea pig companion in winter to keep them selves warm, it is a mixture of hay and a hell of a of fur.
hope i helped
danni...%26lt;3...x
Reply:I have a 10 year old bunny, who runs free in a small yard with two dogs, (chiwawas). He acts and plays just like the dogs, and is very tame and loving. The dogs are very attached to him and vise verse. He sleeps in his hutch at night, to protect him from predators, but I think he's had such a long and healthy life from being free to roam. Pulling their fur out is normal, they would nest with it if in the wild, and they will sometimes plug a drafty hole in their hutch with fur.
We have put loads of little toy rabbit balls in, for him and a big rock, that he can climb on and treats. He also has a toy carrot, which he seems quite attached to! He keeps carrying it around.
My mum told me, that she thought leaving it in a hutch, was cruel and thought it was about time, we let him have more space and seeing him running about, makes me feel happy and I get to see him more. We have put this fire grate, around the door, so we can have the door of the shed open for the day and at night, we close it.. so he is safe.
We also let him wander around the garden, to explore.
He tends to have fur loss, though. Is this normal for rabbits? The vets said he was fine. He is black, so you can notice it, easily.
Is it cruel, to keep a rabbit, in a hutch?
My rabbit lives in a hutch, but he loves to get out! I think that as long as your shed is safe for him (as in nothing poisonous or harmful that he can chew, no way he can hurt himself and no way cats or other animals can get in to hurt him), he should be fine.
I've heard that rabbits get heat stroke though, so look out for him in the summers.
Reply:hi
keeping a rabbit in a huch is a little cruel but if you let him out in your backyard like i do, its fine.(=
Reply:Keeping a rabbit in a hutch is not cruel as long as they have plenty of exercise time during the day. If you consider the wild lifestyle of a rabbit they spend much of their time asleep underground. Whilst you will see your bunny playing happily you will also notice he sleeps in the same spot an awful lot!
I have house bunnies and believe you miss so much of a rabbit personality when they are simply living in a hutch down the garden. They are very active, strong individuals and surprisingly playful. Anything that can be picked up and thrown about (like his carrot toy) is bound to be a favourite. They are also keen on climbing so a ramp to the roof of his hutch or a large log to sit on would be welcomed. Why not look around your pet store for some toys, as people become more aware of how bright these little animals are they are bringing more and more great products onto the market.
Kally
Reply:well what i have is a hutch attached onto a run so the rabbit can go in and out of the hutch and run around. this is really good for your rabbit and i think you should do this. it is quite cruel to have a rabbit hutched up all the time and not been able to taste the grass and have a run around. especially in summer where the rabbit might get to warm. the rabbit also needs exercise so i think it is time you get a run for your lovely rabbit. there not expensive secend hand. i got mine for ￡10. it is 2 meters long and 1 meter wide. so my rabbit can my guinea pigs can enjoy a lovely summer day and get some well deserved exercise
also it is normal fur loss. my rabbit makes a nest for her and her guinea pig companion in winter to keep them selves warm, it is a mixture of hay and a hell of a of fur.
hope i helped
danni...%26lt;3...x
Reply:I have a 10 year old bunny, who runs free in a small yard with two dogs, (chiwawas). He acts and plays just like the dogs, and is very tame and loving. The dogs are very attached to him and vise verse. He sleeps in his hutch at night, to protect him from predators, but I think he's had such a long and healthy life from being free to roam. Pulling their fur out is normal, they would nest with it if in the wild, and they will sometimes plug a drafty hole in their hutch with fur.
Can anybody correct this text in english?
Feel free to change words or sentences
I was passing a really ugly period of my life, now to live seemed to me useless, what had happened to me in the last times was for me something unbearable, ugly, it was destroying me. All the people near to me were worried for my health: I didn't go out, I didn't eat and I was in a perennial confusional condition.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed me to make a vacation lodging for a week in her vacations house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I accepted only for doing her happy, honestly I didn't see anything of profit.
Of the first days I don't almost remember anything... I was touching the apex of my desperation, the only things that I remember were that I often stopped watching the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me, reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding litres of tears. They have been ugly and difficult days, but suddenly something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. A morning, in fact, I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran in that garden that for days was the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived those zones during that period of the year. He turned to me and, when he realized that I was looking at him, he made me a sign with his arm, and I responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beautiful is here? It seems like an heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here, I was a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place with different eyes.". I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything was changed.
“When have you arrived here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know it yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself, and about the reasons that make me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself; it seemed like if that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing me to assist to the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: ?Hello?!. it was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little bit, because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her, I also tried to phone her back, but the thing worsened the situation. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking me why she had not called me yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircases and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me. "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but her… nothing; she moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What is happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When she fell down crying, I succeeded to see what shocked her. While Sarah stammered "Why have you done it?!" I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Can anybody correct this text in english?
I like your touching story. Good use of language and an interesting tale make your essay an easy read.
English is such a complex language. A lot of simple expressions use similes to the words you have chosen. Eg. apex of desperation is correct but peak of despair probably would be more common to read. Close friends intimates emotional closeness whilst near friends suggest physical closeness. This is a similar situation with vacation house and holiday house. Vacation and holiday are synonyms but holiday house or home is the expression commonly used. Conversation are usually started in a new paragraph and usually two spaces are inserted after a period (full stop).
I was going through a really ugly period in my life; life seemed pointless. Lately something had happened that was unbearable and I felt as though it was destroying me. All the people closest to me were worried for my health. I didn't go out; I didn't eat and I was was feeling perennially confused.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed that I take a week's vacation in her holiday house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, isolated and completely uninhabited during that time of the year. I accepted only to make her happy. I honestly couldn't see any benefit for me..
For the first days of my stay at Sarah's lake house, I remember hardly anything... I was reaching the peak of my despair. All that I remember is that I often stopped to look at the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden, observing my surroundings and reflecting on the cruelty of the life, and shedding litres of tears.
There have been ugly and difficult days, but then something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. Oddly, one morning I woke up happy. All of my worries and my problems had suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't know how to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran into the garden that for days had been the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I saw everything through different eyes and I found peace.
My beautiful reflections were interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years old. He wore fisherman clothes though he was not fishing; he was observing the blue sky, sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before and I knew that nobody lived there during that time of the year. He turned to me, and when he realized that I was looking at him, he waved at me. When I responded, I was astonished when he immediately started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi!" - he said, smiling when he was close to me, "How are you? "
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beauty is here? It seems like heaven. It is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here; I was a fisherman, but now I live here I see this place through different eyes.".
I was spellbound by his words. He was describing exactly what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic; everything had changed.
“When did you arrive here? This morning?” I asked him.
“Me? No, I've stayed by this lake a long time."
I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!”
“I know…” he answered with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself and about the reasons that made me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself. It seemed as though the lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing myself to watch the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could it be, I wondered. It had been a long time since my arrival at the lake and nobody had ever tried to contact me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone, I heard her voice. "Hello?!", it was Sarah, my friend had called to see how I was.
"Hi Sarah!" I answered happy, "How are you?", but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she couldn't hear me. Eventually I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little sad, because I really wished to talk with her.
The following day, the scene repeated itself at various times and I noted that her voice was becoming more anxious and worried. I was concerned for her so I tried to phone her back, but that only worsened the situation. I thought a lot about this and I wondered what Sarah could think. I didn't want to make her stress. The next day I waited for her phone call, but it never came. I was asking myself why she had not called yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircase and I saw her…Sarah; she came to visit me.
"Hi Sarah! ", I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way.
"Hey Sarah! " I repeated but I got no response from her. She moved in a nervous way, and when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror!
"What's happened to you? " I howled, frightened.
I ran toward the basement and she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When Sarah fell down crying and stammerring, Why have you done it?!, I finally saw what had shocked her. I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Reply:cheater. =)
Reply:Well I started to read it then realised that I was fast running out of life so I gave up.
Reply:Yes. I absolutely can. Can you?
Reply:Only if you pay me :-)
Reply:its a msg or a notice ??
Reply:i prefer to die
Reply:Sorry far too long...........my lifeless body would still be here to.
Reply:Please don't give up your day job in the hope of becoming a writer.
On a positive note, without having read every word, your spelling looks pretty good. Believe me, that is a real plus!
Reply:I would really like to help you but your text is far too long. The spelling is pretty good but there are a host of grammatical errors. Good luck anyway. x
Reply:I guess...its your writing and its ur homework,but u are unsure whether there is any wrong word or sentense,right?
I was passing a really ugly period of my life, now to live seemed to me useless, what had happened to me in the last times was for me something unbearable, ugly, it was destroying me. All the people near to me were worried for my health: I didn't go out, I didn't eat and I was in a perennial confusional condition.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed me to make a vacation lodging for a week in her vacations house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, in an isolated and completely uninhabited zone during that period of the year. I accepted only for doing her happy, honestly I didn't see anything of profit.
Of the first days I don't almost remember anything... I was touching the apex of my desperation, the only things that I remember were that I often stopped watching the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden of the residence, observing what surrounded me, reflecting on the cruelty of the life shedding litres of tears. They have been ugly and difficult days, but suddenly something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. A morning, in fact, I oddly woke up happy, all of my worries and my problems were suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't succeed to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a very beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran in that garden that for days was the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful, I saw everything with different eyes, I found the peace.
My beautiful reflections been interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years. He wore fisherman clothes, but he was not fishing, he was observing the blue sky sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before, additionally I knew that nobody lived those zones during that period of the year. He turned to me and, when he realized that I was looking at him, he made me a sign with his arm, and I responded to the waving. He immediately came to me astonished, and he started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi! - he told me smiling when he was close to me - How are you? ".
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beautiful is here? It seems like an heaven, it is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here, I was a fisherman, but now I live here, and I see this place with different eyes.". I was spellbound for his words, he was describing what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic, everything was changed.
“When have you arrived here? This morning?”, I asked him, “Me? No, it’s a long time that I don't move from this lake.”. I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!.”
“I know it yet…” he answered me with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself, and about the reasons that make me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself; it seemed like if that lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing me to assist to the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could he be? By now it was a long time that I was there, and nobody had ever looked for me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone I heard her voice: ?Hello?!. it was her, Sarah, my friend that wanted to know how I was. ?Hi Sarah! -I answered happy – How are you?" , but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she didn't hear me. So I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little bit, because I really wished to talk with her. The following day the scene repeated again various times and I noted that her voice became always more anxious and worried. I was sorry for her, I also tried to phone her back, but the thing worsened the situation. I thought a lot about these facts, and I often wondered what Sarah could think, I didn't want to make her stress. The day after I waited for her phone call, but it didn't arrive. I was asking me why she had not called me yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircases and I saw her… it was Sarah; she came to visit me. "Hi Sarah! " I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way. "Hey Sara! " I repeated more times, but her… nothing; she moved in a nervous way, but when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror! "What is happened to you? " I howled frightened. I ran toward the basement, she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When she fell down crying, I succeeded to see what shocked her. While Sarah stammered "Why have you done it?!" I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Can anybody correct this text in english?
I like your touching story. Good use of language and an interesting tale make your essay an easy read.
English is such a complex language. A lot of simple expressions use similes to the words you have chosen. Eg. apex of desperation is correct but peak of despair probably would be more common to read. Close friends intimates emotional closeness whilst near friends suggest physical closeness. This is a similar situation with vacation house and holiday house. Vacation and holiday are synonyms but holiday house or home is the expression commonly used. Conversation are usually started in a new paragraph and usually two spaces are inserted after a period (full stop).
I was going through a really ugly period in my life; life seemed pointless. Lately something had happened that was unbearable and I felt as though it was destroying me. All the people closest to me were worried for my health. I didn't go out; I didn't eat and I was was feeling perennially confused.
To try to improve my situation my best friend proposed that I take a week's vacation in her holiday house, a delicious cottage placed near a lake, isolated and completely uninhabited during that time of the year. I accepted only to make her happy. I honestly couldn't see any benefit for me..
For the first days of my stay at Sarah's lake house, I remember hardly anything... I was reaching the peak of my despair. All that I remember is that I often stopped to look at the lake, sitting on a bench situated in the garden, observing my surroundings and reflecting on the cruelty of the life, and shedding litres of tears.
There have been ugly and difficult days, but then something very strange happened to me, something that could not be explained. Oddly, one morning I woke up happy. All of my worries and my problems had suddenly faded away, disappeared out of my mind. I didn't know how to explain this phenomenon; everything was so perfect, after so much time I felt reborn. It was a beautiful day, the sun shone in the sky and I immediately ran into the garden that for days had been the place of my desperation. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I saw everything through different eyes and I found peace.
My beautiful reflections were interrupted by the presence of a young man that could not have more than twenty-seven years old. He wore fisherman clothes though he was not fishing; he was observing the blue sky, sitting in the green lawn of an house near my cottage. I had never seen him before and I knew that nobody lived there during that time of the year. He turned to me, and when he realized that I was looking at him, he waved at me. When I responded, I was astonished when he immediately started quickly to walk in my direction.
"Hi!" - he said, smiling when he was close to me, "How are you? "
I said that everything was alright and when I asked the same question he interrupted me saying: "Don't you see how much beauty is here? It seems like heaven. It is so hard to believe that before I detested it. I worked here; I was a fisherman, but now I live here I see this place through different eyes.".
I was spellbound by his words. He was describing exactly what I was feeling. It almost seemed that the place had something magic; everything had changed.
“When did you arrive here? This morning?” I asked him.
“Me? No, I've stayed by this lake a long time."
I was surprised: ” I have never seen you before!”
“I know…” he answered with a smile.
We stayed the whole day chatting, the hours passed happily and I talked about myself and about the reasons that made me need to isolate myself in that earthly paradise and how suddenly everything changed in me. His company was very pleasant, even thought he didn't speak a lot about himself. It seemed as though the lake was his only reality. The following day passed in the same way. In the evening, while I was preparing myself to watch the amazing sunset on the lake, the telephone rang. Who could it be, I wondered. It had been a long time since my arrival at the lake and nobody had ever tried to contact me. I answered and on the other side of the telephone, I heard her voice. "Hello?!", it was Sarah, my friend had called to see how I was.
"Hi Sarah!" I answered happy, "How are you?", but she kept on repeating ‘hello’ and to say that she couldn't hear me. Eventually I had to hang up, but it made me feel a little sad, because I really wished to talk with her.
The following day, the scene repeated itself at various times and I noted that her voice was becoming more anxious and worried. I was concerned for her so I tried to phone her back, but that only worsened the situation. I thought a lot about this and I wondered what Sarah could think. I didn't want to make her stress. The next day I waited for her phone call, but it never came. I was asking myself why she had not called yet when I heard the house door opening downstairs. I leaned out from the staircase and I saw her…Sarah; she came to visit me.
"Hi Sarah! ", I shouted happily, but she didn't hear me, and she started to wander around the rooms in sorrowful way.
"Hey Sarah! " I repeated but I got no response from her. She moved in a nervous way, and when she went down the staircases to go in the basement I heard a cry of terror!
"What's happened to you? " I howled, frightened.
I ran toward the basement and she was there, on the steps, paralyzed, immovable, trembling... When Sarah fell down crying and stammerring, Why have you done it?!, I finally saw what had shocked her. I saw it, but I couldn’t understand immediately … Why my lifeless body was there?
Reply:cheater. =)
Reply:Well I started to read it then realised that I was fast running out of life so I gave up.
Reply:Yes. I absolutely can. Can you?
Reply:Only if you pay me :-)
Reply:its a msg or a notice ??
Reply:i prefer to die
Reply:Sorry far too long...........my lifeless body would still be here to.
Reply:Please don't give up your day job in the hope of becoming a writer.
On a positive note, without having read every word, your spelling looks pretty good. Believe me, that is a real plus!
Reply:I would really like to help you but your text is far too long. The spelling is pretty good but there are a host of grammatical errors. Good luck anyway. x
Reply:I guess...its your writing and its ur homework,but u are unsure whether there is any wrong word or sentense,right?
Symptoms of being over 25?
1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush".
2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops.
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46.
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.
8. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.
9. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
10. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to determine would-be thieves.
11. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
12. Pop music all starts to sound crap.
13. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white.
14. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
15. You always have enough milk in.
16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B%26amp;Q.
20. You wish you had a shed.
21. You have a shed.
22. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day...."
23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy Young has some really interesting guests on.
24. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus,
you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.
25. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
baskets.
26. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.
27. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the 20s gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on p**sing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a swift half turns into 10 pints, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel
saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them
separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, ...
28. You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me?"
Symptoms of being over 25?
hahahaha!!!
excellent lol
thanks for sharing.
Reply:Did you say 25 .....or 55 ?
So jaded at 25 ....hell , what's becoming of the youth today ?
Reply:And your point is?
Reply:LOL I'm 25 and I thought your list was hilarious. I find myself doing alot of those things!!
Reply:Ha ha ha.!!!
I'm 44 and it's true Nick.!!!
10/10 man.!!!
Cheers and ignore the sour comments.!!
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Reply:Seems like a nice list from what I've read so far but I can't be arsed reading the rest atm, maybe when I'm 25. :)
Reply:Clever little prick! Wait 'til your seventy, you won't find it so funny!!
Reply:Nice list I only read like half of it tho.... maybe when im 25 ill have the attenion span for it...
Reply:yea really what is your point
Reply:I have to agree with all but a couple. I'm 24, 25 in June, and I am almost... ALMOST... like that. I haven't listened to TOTP for above 5 years, and before KT Tunstall's album Drastic Fantastic, the last music I bought was Catatonia's Greatest Hits. I still enjoy it too! Sad git, I hear you say.
Reply:LOL
Reply:Why do English boys start out sooo cute, and then get all craggy and old looking after 25?
Reply:brilliant.
lancome
2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops.
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46.
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.
8. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.
9. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
10. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to determine would-be thieves.
11. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
12. Pop music all starts to sound crap.
13. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white.
14. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
15. You always have enough milk in.
16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B%26amp;Q.
20. You wish you had a shed.
21. You have a shed.
22. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day...."
23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy Young has some really interesting guests on.
24. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus,
you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.
25. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
baskets.
26. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.
27. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the 20s gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on p**sing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a swift half turns into 10 pints, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel
saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them
separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, ...
28. You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me?"
Symptoms of being over 25?
hahahaha!!!
excellent lol
thanks for sharing.
Reply:Did you say 25 .....or 55 ?
So jaded at 25 ....hell , what's becoming of the youth today ?
Reply:And your point is?
Reply:LOL I'm 25 and I thought your list was hilarious. I find myself doing alot of those things!!
Reply:Ha ha ha.!!!
I'm 44 and it's true Nick.!!!
10/10 man.!!!
Cheers and ignore the sour comments.!!
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Reply:Seems like a nice list from what I've read so far but I can't be arsed reading the rest atm, maybe when I'm 25. :)
Reply:Clever little prick! Wait 'til your seventy, you won't find it so funny!!
Reply:Nice list I only read like half of it tho.... maybe when im 25 ill have the attenion span for it...
Reply:yea really what is your point
Reply:I have to agree with all but a couple. I'm 24, 25 in June, and I am almost... ALMOST... like that. I haven't listened to TOTP for above 5 years, and before KT Tunstall's album Drastic Fantastic, the last music I bought was Catatonia's Greatest Hits. I still enjoy it too! Sad git, I hear you say.
Reply:LOL
Reply:Why do English boys start out sooo cute, and then get all craggy and old looking after 25?
Reply:brilliant.
For the over 25's!?
%26gt;SYMPTOMS OF BEING OVER 25
%26gt;
%26gt;1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush".
%26gt;
%26gt;2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going
%26gt;clubbing the night before.
%26gt;
%26gt;3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
%26gt;dreaming of having a son who might instead.
%26gt;
%26gt;4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property
%26gt;section.
%26gt;
%26gt;5. All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46.
%26gt;
%26gt;6. Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park.
%26gt;
%26gt;7. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
%26gt;because they'll be alright for the DIY or in the garden.
%26gt;
%26gt;8. You buy T-shirts without anything written on them.
%26gt;
%26gt;9. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
%26gt;the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving
%26gt;Properties of most of the things that are in it.
%26gt;
%26gt;10. You start to worry about your parents' health.
%26gt;
%26gt;11. You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to
%26gt;buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
%26gt;
%26gt;12. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace
%26gt;And Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your
%26gt;children.
%26gt;
%26gt;13. Pop music all starts to sound the same.
%26gt;
%26gt;14. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they do a really
%26gt;nice half-bottle of house red.
%26gt;
%26gt;15. You always have enough milk in.
%26gt;
%26gt;16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
%26gt;clubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the
%26gt;mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
%26gt;
%26gt;17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time
%26gt;Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
%26gt;
%26gt;18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
%26gt;
%26gt;19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B%26amp;Q.
%26gt;
%26gt;20. You wish you had a shed.
%26gt;
%26gt;21. You have a shed.
%26gt;
%26gt;22. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
%26gt;anymore" and "I remember when there were only 4 TV channels" and "Not in
%26gt;my day...."
%26gt;
%26gt;23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jeremy Vine has
%26gt;some really interesting guests on.
%26gt;
%26gt;24. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the
%26gt;bus,You tut at rowdy school children.
%26gt;
%26gt;25. When sitting outside a pub you admire their hanging baskets.
%26gt;
%26gt;26.You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me
%26gt;
%26gt;27. Having a constant supply of 1st class stamps in your wallet - for
%26gt;"just incase"
For the over 25's!?
Oh my god!! You have scared the sh#t out of me!!! Kinda knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I was 28 but never really admitted it to myself until I read this!!!!!
What have you done to me??!!
This should be reported purely for the tragic effect it is having on all those in their late 20's!!!!!!!!
(but it's still funny!)
Reply:No no no no no.........not for this girl!!!!...I'm still a young 30!!!
Reply:You only have to know "Ruby, Ruby,Ruby" to know Radio 1's entire output. I hate people who take ages to get off the bus and at supermarket queues and I'm only a 52 year old shed owner.
Reply:Some of them are true some of them depend on the personality of the person!
Reply:i'm 31 next week and some are true!!!
Reply:Oh Noooooo
its so true
Reply:Have we met?
Reply:28. You look in the mirror !
Reply:Pretty good dude. Some of it made me laugh.
Reply:really good....
more than a few apply here.
Reply:ohhh now I know that I'm getting old, I agree with most of these statements.
Reply:symtomes shd be 25 it's gud but no one will read it
Reply:Cute :)
Reply:OMG i feel so old now
im going to go hide under my covers lol.x
Reply:If you think 25+ is bad,,,enjoy it while you can!
This is for the 50+
The Cat In The Hat On Aging,
I cannot See
I cannot Pee
I cannot Chew
I cannot Screw
Oh my God, What can I Do?
My Memory Shrinks
My Hearing Stinks
No Sense of Smell
I Look Like Hell
My Mood is Bad, Can You Tell?
My Body's Drooping
I Have Trouble Pooping!
The Golden Years Have Come At Last,
The Golden Years Can Kiss My A ss!
Reply:Lol...i'll be 27 this year (god willing) this made me laugh as i can relate to some of it. But i think its called growing up and being mature and not "symptoms"..i enjoyed it though..thanks for the laugh!
Reply:I'm 22 is this really what i have to look forward to?
Reply:OMG i'm 24 tomorrow and do a lot of these things!!!!
Reply:I laughed so much hun I cried.... so so true... and embarssing to admit too lol lol
shoe labels
%26gt;
%26gt;1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush".
%26gt;
%26gt;2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going
%26gt;clubbing the night before.
%26gt;
%26gt;3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
%26gt;dreaming of having a son who might instead.
%26gt;
%26gt;4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property
%26gt;section.
%26gt;
%26gt;5. All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46.
%26gt;
%26gt;6. Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park.
%26gt;
%26gt;7. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
%26gt;because they'll be alright for the DIY or in the garden.
%26gt;
%26gt;8. You buy T-shirts without anything written on them.
%26gt;
%26gt;9. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
%26gt;the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving
%26gt;Properties of most of the things that are in it.
%26gt;
%26gt;10. You start to worry about your parents' health.
%26gt;
%26gt;11. You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to
%26gt;buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
%26gt;
%26gt;12. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace
%26gt;And Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your
%26gt;children.
%26gt;
%26gt;13. Pop music all starts to sound the same.
%26gt;
%26gt;14. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they do a really
%26gt;nice half-bottle of house red.
%26gt;
%26gt;15. You always have enough milk in.
%26gt;
%26gt;16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
%26gt;clubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the
%26gt;mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
%26gt;
%26gt;17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time
%26gt;Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
%26gt;
%26gt;18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
%26gt;
%26gt;19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B%26amp;Q.
%26gt;
%26gt;20. You wish you had a shed.
%26gt;
%26gt;21. You have a shed.
%26gt;
%26gt;22. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
%26gt;anymore" and "I remember when there were only 4 TV channels" and "Not in
%26gt;my day...."
%26gt;
%26gt;23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jeremy Vine has
%26gt;some really interesting guests on.
%26gt;
%26gt;24. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the
%26gt;bus,You tut at rowdy school children.
%26gt;
%26gt;25. When sitting outside a pub you admire their hanging baskets.
%26gt;
%26gt;26.You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me
%26gt;
%26gt;27. Having a constant supply of 1st class stamps in your wallet - for
%26gt;"just incase"
For the over 25's!?
Oh my god!! You have scared the sh#t out of me!!! Kinda knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I was 28 but never really admitted it to myself until I read this!!!!!
What have you done to me??!!
This should be reported purely for the tragic effect it is having on all those in their late 20's!!!!!!!!
(but it's still funny!)
Reply:No no no no no.........not for this girl!!!!...I'm still a young 30!!!
Reply:You only have to know "Ruby, Ruby,Ruby" to know Radio 1's entire output. I hate people who take ages to get off the bus and at supermarket queues and I'm only a 52 year old shed owner.
Reply:Some of them are true some of them depend on the personality of the person!
Reply:i'm 31 next week and some are true!!!
Reply:Oh Noooooo
its so true
Reply:Have we met?
Reply:28. You look in the mirror !
Reply:Pretty good dude. Some of it made me laugh.
Reply:really good....
more than a few apply here.
Reply:ohhh now I know that I'm getting old, I agree with most of these statements.
Reply:symtomes shd be 25 it's gud but no one will read it
Reply:Cute :)
Reply:OMG i feel so old now
im going to go hide under my covers lol.x
Reply:If you think 25+ is bad,,,enjoy it while you can!
This is for the 50+
The Cat In The Hat On Aging,
I cannot See
I cannot Pee
I cannot Chew
I cannot Screw
Oh my God, What can I Do?
My Memory Shrinks
My Hearing Stinks
No Sense of Smell
I Look Like Hell
My Mood is Bad, Can You Tell?
My Body's Drooping
I Have Trouble Pooping!
The Golden Years Have Come At Last,
The Golden Years Can Kiss My A ss!
Reply:Lol...i'll be 27 this year (god willing) this made me laugh as i can relate to some of it. But i think its called growing up and being mature and not "symptoms"..i enjoyed it though..thanks for the laugh!
Reply:I'm 22 is this really what i have to look forward to?
Reply:OMG i'm 24 tomorrow and do a lot of these things!!!!
Reply:I laughed so much hun I cried.... so so true... and embarssing to admit too lol lol
shoe labels
Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??
Ha ha ha.!!!
Excellent one there No8.!!!
Sounds familiar, lol.!!!
10/10.!!!
Cheers Lady.!!!
Reply:Thank you. Report Abuse
Reply:PURRRRRRRFECT JOKE, you"ve done it again no8, star!!
Reply:it's an oldie that one but it still made me laugh thanks - have a star
Reply:worth the wait, funny and very true! : )
Reply:Great isn't it? I sent this to friends to help them get accustomed to having a kitten. Great fun
Reply:brilliant,10 over 10 and a star!
Reply:VERY long but well wotrh it, STAR
Reply:Lol that was ssoo very funny,I don't have a cat but I can just imagine the scene,my little dog a Yorkie is just as bad that's why I rather take him to the vet to spare me all them injuries,here have a star.xxxxxxxx
Reply:That's just like my cat %26amp; dog, lol!
Reply:yes its funny
Reply:okay......thanks for the advice, I guess. A star.
Reply:Love this joke. :)
Seen it before.
Reply:that takes the biscuit that one,superb!!!
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??
Ha ha ha.!!!
Excellent one there No8.!!!
Sounds familiar, lol.!!!
10/10.!!!
Cheers Lady.!!!
Reply:Thank you. Report Abuse
Reply:PURRRRRRRFECT JOKE, you"ve done it again no8, star!!
Reply:it's an oldie that one but it still made me laugh thanks - have a star
Reply:worth the wait, funny and very true! : )
Reply:Great isn't it? I sent this to friends to help them get accustomed to having a kitten. Great fun
Reply:brilliant,10 over 10 and a star!
Reply:VERY long but well wotrh it, STAR
Reply:Lol that was ssoo very funny,I don't have a cat but I can just imagine the scene,my little dog a Yorkie is just as bad that's why I rather take him to the vet to spare me all them injuries,here have a star.xxxxxxxx
Reply:That's just like my cat %26amp; dog, lol!
Reply:yes its funny
Reply:okay......thanks for the advice, I guess. A star.
Reply:Love this joke. :)
Seen it before.
Reply:that takes the biscuit that one,superb!!!
Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??
That's funny. Thanks for the laugh. giving you a well earned star!!
Reply:luv it ta!! Report Abuse
Reply:I know cats ! Crush the pill ina gladlock bag, disguise in food. or hold cat, put towl over it's eye, open the mouth, the gently throw pill at back of throat, close it's moutht so it doesnt spit it out,then while hiolding mouth tickle its adam's apple, stimilate the reflex to swallow. Report Abuse
Reply:funny all the way!!lol.
Reply:LMAO! True...
Reply:WOW!l.o.l.
Reply:yer rite! its a cracker.meowwwww!
Reply:Hilarious!!!! Star for you!!
Reply:Funny but true! lol! 100!
Reply:brilliant!*
Reply:That is hysterical!
Reply:LMAO That's brilliant *STAR* 15 is mint
Reply:that must be the best joke on here for yonks,very funny,thanks for that..
Reply:well worth the wait it made me smile thanks for sharing
Reply:lol
Reply:hahahaha!!!
excellent lol
thanks for the laugh.
Reply:I can identify with this
Reply:That was long,,,but worth it ha ha ha v good,,,
Reply:you have done it again our kidda!!keep em rocking!
Reply:absolutely hilarious!!a whopper of a star for you!!
Reply:LMAO!
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??
That's funny. Thanks for the laugh. giving you a well earned star!!
Reply:luv it ta!! Report Abuse
Reply:I know cats ! Crush the pill ina gladlock bag, disguise in food. or hold cat, put towl over it's eye, open the mouth, the gently throw pill at back of throat, close it's moutht so it doesnt spit it out,then while hiolding mouth tickle its adam's apple, stimilate the reflex to swallow. Report Abuse
Reply:funny all the way!!lol.
Reply:LMAO! True...
Reply:WOW!l.o.l.
Reply:yer rite! its a cracker.meowwwww!
Reply:Hilarious!!!! Star for you!!
Reply:Funny but true! lol! 100!
Reply:brilliant!*
Reply:That is hysterical!
Reply:LMAO That's brilliant *STAR* 15 is mint
Reply:that must be the best joke on here for yonks,very funny,thanks for that..
Reply:well worth the wait it made me smile thanks for sharing
Reply:lol
Reply:hahahaha!!!
excellent lol
thanks for the laugh.
Reply:I can identify with this
Reply:That was long,,,but worth it ha ha ha v good,,,
Reply:you have done it again our kidda!!keep em rocking!
Reply:absolutely hilarious!!a whopper of a star for you!!
Reply:LMAO!
These are Cat pil;l Rules What do you think?
Giving Cats Pills
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.
These are Cat pil;l Rules What do you think?
Well, I suggest writing something about getting a pill dispenser. It has worked wonders for me!
And it's really too long.....
Reply:Ive seen that before and its hilarious every time. Much like having to call the SEAL team to give them a bath. Thanks for the laugh.
Reply:excellent that was the funniest question read . you deserve max points
Reply:Interesting.
Giving cats pills apparently causes lots of incidents, and it quite a brigade.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.
These are Cat pil;l Rules What do you think?
Well, I suggest writing something about getting a pill dispenser. It has worked wonders for me!
And it's really too long.....
Reply:Ive seen that before and its hilarious every time. Much like having to call the SEAL team to give them a bath. Thanks for the laugh.
Reply:excellent that was the funniest question read . you deserve max points
Reply:Interesting.
Giving cats pills apparently causes lots of incidents, and it quite a brigade.
How to give a cat a pill, versus how to give a dog a pill?
How to Give Your Cat a Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth,
pop pill in mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paw. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give a cat a pill, versus how to give a dog a pill?
LOL so very true about cats... If only we can inject the medication into kitty... or use a dart gun with meds... :) No, I love my cats, but yep, the pill thing requires 1 cat, 1 pill and at least 2 humans.
Reply:Sometimes but very rarely you can put the pill in some wet cat food, but as cats are very dainty eaters they might just eat around it! Boy that was fun to watch though!! LOL
Reply:get gold fish out of bowl jam the pill into goldfish mouth then feed fish to cat.
Reply:That is so true
Reply:so true lol!!!!!!!!
rodeo bucklemascara
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth,
pop pill in mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paw. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give a cat a pill, versus how to give a dog a pill?
LOL so very true about cats... If only we can inject the medication into kitty... or use a dart gun with meds... :) No, I love my cats, but yep, the pill thing requires 1 cat, 1 pill and at least 2 humans.
Reply:Sometimes but very rarely you can put the pill in some wet cat food, but as cats are very dainty eaters they might just eat around it! Boy that was fun to watch though!! LOL
Reply:get gold fish out of bowl jam the pill into goldfish mouth then feed fish to cat.
Reply:That is so true
Reply:so true lol!!!!!!!!
rodeo buckle
Do you know how to give a cat & dog a pill?
Subject:* How to Give a Cat a Pill (%26amp; Dog)
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth
and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and
rear paws . Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply
whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the dang cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little devil's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Do you know how to give a cat %26amp; dog a pill?
I want to be your agent and get you gigs at comedy clubs. Seriously!
Reply:I have a cat %26amp; a dog now! Have always had animals. Have had to give pills to a lot of them. This was just too funny. Thanks and thank your friend. Report Abuse
Reply:Ha ha that's funny...well you can buy this thingy at the store that you simply put the pill in and stick it in the back of their throat. Otherwise open their mouth, using your finger gently push the pill to the back of their throat.
Reply:Thanks for the humorous start to my day. That was neat. I still like cats though. But, they are "independent" creatures! The "trick" is---after you get the pill into their mouth, you blow into their face.
Reply:That is funny , but so true. Usually, dogs are a lot easier to give a pill to than cats! Thanks!
Reply:LOL!!! Funny! Thanks for the laugh of the day.
Reply:I've read this before- and it's so true! I'd rather pill 100 dogs in one day than have to pill one cat.
Reply:this is a scream
Reply:Hilarious, Wiz, and so true! When I wrap Jedi's pill in bacon, she snatches it....eats the bacon and spits out the pill. So I have to use the "cat procedure," get an armhold around her neck and try to pry her mouth open. Jedi's jaws are made of steel. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to pry her mouth open and pop in the pill. Then, if you don't toss it down her gullet far enough, she simply spits it out, so my floor is littered with half dissolved, gummy pills.
I shall save your hysterical description of medicating a cat and send it to friends. We're an army of cat and doglovers around here and always need a good laugh! Thanks!
Reply:I give my cat her thyroid meds two times a day, I just sit her down, open her mouth from the back of the jaw and put it at the back of her throat. And I give my dog his pills with peanut butter. Stick the pill in it and waalaa, he eats the peanut butter and the pill and never even knew he got the pill
Reply:Lol, yes - it's called the cat rodeo !
Actually the pill giving syringe is quite good although you still need an unsuspecting helper with a thick towel to hold the cat down. Note- it has to be a thick towel as an irate cat can shred cloth in a microsecond.
Also I do have one that managed to bite the end off the pill giver, shred a dressing gown, claw the holder in the face with some airborne ninja kick run halfway down the garden and THEN spit out the end of the syringe and pill.
Took 3 days to get near that cat again and my assistant quit.
Reply:ha ha i went through something very similar the other day, i've got scratches everywhere...and then after i thought i finally won, the darn cat vomited it all up on the floor....i'm getting an injection next time.
Reply:I had a time giving my elderly German Shepherd meds. I mixed them in peanut butter, wrapped them in cheese,, stuck them in between chichen and so on and so on. He got 3/4 of the med he was supposed to have and i gave up. I decided, maybe he knew something I didnt.
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth
and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and
rear paws . Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply
whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the dang cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little devil's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Do you know how to give a cat %26amp; dog a pill?
I want to be your agent and get you gigs at comedy clubs. Seriously!
Reply:I have a cat %26amp; a dog now! Have always had animals. Have had to give pills to a lot of them. This was just too funny. Thanks and thank your friend. Report Abuse
Reply:Ha ha that's funny...well you can buy this thingy at the store that you simply put the pill in and stick it in the back of their throat. Otherwise open their mouth, using your finger gently push the pill to the back of their throat.
Reply:Thanks for the humorous start to my day. That was neat. I still like cats though. But, they are "independent" creatures! The "trick" is---after you get the pill into their mouth, you blow into their face.
Reply:That is funny , but so true. Usually, dogs are a lot easier to give a pill to than cats! Thanks!
Reply:LOL!!! Funny! Thanks for the laugh of the day.
Reply:I've read this before- and it's so true! I'd rather pill 100 dogs in one day than have to pill one cat.
Reply:this is a scream
Reply:Hilarious, Wiz, and so true! When I wrap Jedi's pill in bacon, she snatches it....eats the bacon and spits out the pill. So I have to use the "cat procedure," get an armhold around her neck and try to pry her mouth open. Jedi's jaws are made of steel. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to pry her mouth open and pop in the pill. Then, if you don't toss it down her gullet far enough, she simply spits it out, so my floor is littered with half dissolved, gummy pills.
I shall save your hysterical description of medicating a cat and send it to friends. We're an army of cat and doglovers around here and always need a good laugh! Thanks!
Reply:I give my cat her thyroid meds two times a day, I just sit her down, open her mouth from the back of the jaw and put it at the back of her throat. And I give my dog his pills with peanut butter. Stick the pill in it and waalaa, he eats the peanut butter and the pill and never even knew he got the pill
Reply:Lol, yes - it's called the cat rodeo !
Actually the pill giving syringe is quite good although you still need an unsuspecting helper with a thick towel to hold the cat down. Note- it has to be a thick towel as an irate cat can shred cloth in a microsecond.
Also I do have one that managed to bite the end off the pill giver, shred a dressing gown, claw the holder in the face with some airborne ninja kick run halfway down the garden and THEN spit out the end of the syringe and pill.
Took 3 days to get near that cat again and my assistant quit.
Reply:ha ha i went through something very similar the other day, i've got scratches everywhere...and then after i thought i finally won, the darn cat vomited it all up on the floor....i'm getting an injection next time.
Reply:I had a time giving my elderly German Shepherd meds. I mixed them in peanut butter, wrapped them in cheese,, stuck them in between chichen and so on and so on. He got 3/4 of the med he was supposed to have and i gave up. I decided, maybe he knew something I didnt.
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