Jokes ha ha?

Us amateur film-makers sure have it tough.





I mean, Steven Spielberg spent millions re-creating the Holocaust in 'Schindler's List', and he gets showered with acclaim and umpteen Oscars.





Me, I lock a bunch of Jews in my garden shed, gas them to death and post the footage on YouTube, and what happens? I get sectioned indefinitely under the Mental Health Act. It makes me sick, it really does.

Jokes ha ha?
HAHA here are some jokes


Subject: Funny Jokes, add and fw


Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:48:55 -0400








1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.


Bad: It's triplets.


Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.





2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.


Bad: She wants a divorce.


Ugly: She's a lawyer.





3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.


Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.


Ugly: So are you.





4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..


Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.


Ugly: You're in them.





5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.


Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.


Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.





6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.


Bad: He's a cross-dresser.


Ugly: He looks better than you.





7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.


Bad: She keeps interrupting.


Ugly: With corrections.





8. Good: The postman's early.


Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.


Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.





9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.


Bad: It's another man.


Ugly: He's your best friend.


2 hours ago


- 3 days left to answer.


Additional Details


2 hours ago





10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.


Bad: As a hooker.


Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.


Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.


2 hours ago





please 'star' if you like♥


1 hour ago





Good: Your kid gets straight A's


Bad: He's having an affair with the teacher.


Ugly: He's home-schooled.


thank you





______________________________________...


The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful...'





'Wrong!, ' replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, 'What is Easter?'





The second blonde replies, 'Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.'





St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, 'What is Easter?'





The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, 'I know what Easter is.'





'Oh?' says St. Peter, incredulously.





'Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.'





St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.





The third blonde continues, 'Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.'





______________________________________...





On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink in the U.K.: AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.





On a timer which apparently causes the lights to flash once a day: AUTOMATICALLY TURNS LIGHTS ON AND OFF AT DUSK





On a bar of Dial soap: DIRECTIONS -- USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.





On a Swedish chainsaw: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAINSAW WITH YOUR HANDS.





On Boots Children's Cough Medicine: DO NOT DRIVE A CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY AFTER TAKING THIS MEDICATION.





On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.





In the instruction manual for a Canon camera: DO NOT RATTLE PLAYFULLY AT THE SHUTTER BUTTON.





In the owners manual for a Toyota: DO NOT STAND UP THROUGH THE SUN ROOF WHILE DRIVING OR WHILE CLOSING IT.





On bottom of a box of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.





Warning on a box of Rogaine For Men: DO NOT USE WHILE PREGNANT OR NURSING





On a Sears hair dryer: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.





Label on sports equipment: DUAL SPORTS CANVAS


______________________________________...





Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.


He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.


The 10:00 news was now on.


The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.


The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"


Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."


The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."


Bob placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"


Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.


The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "fair's fair.


Here's your money."


Bob replied, "I can't take your money; I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and so I knew he would jump."


The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again.


Bob took the money.


______________________________________...


A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.





When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.





After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,





"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"


She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,


"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"


The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.





The blonde looked at the flock and quickly guessed "37."





The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.





Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.





"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"


______________________________________...


No Speaka de English?





A bus stops and 2 Irish men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation that seems to be English.





The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:





"Emma come first. Den Oi come. Den two asses come together. Oi come once a more! Two asses, they come together again. Oi come again and pee twice. Then Oi come one lasta time."





The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country. We don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.





"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? Oi 'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."
Reply:Good one
Reply:lolllllllllllllllll
Reply:you sure do!!
Reply:good . lol
Reply:very funny thanks
Reply:That brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:good joke thanks for sharing.
Reply:lol